DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Golf Writer Dan Jenkins

April 12th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Oh man. Who knew golf was filled with so much drrrrrrrrama? No, I’m not talking about Phil Mickelson winning the Masters and hugging his wife, who’s been battling breast cancer, after. That was sweet and a welcome break from you know who.

So, yes, I guess I am talking about you know who, but only a little, because I am so seriously bored by Tiger Woods at this point, and I’m kinda mad about it, you know? Because who knew that having sex with porn stars and maybe getting a golf club to the face from your wife was so effing dull? I mean, is nothing SACRED???

Anyway. The point is, Tiger returns to golf. And he looks pretty good on the first day (ultimately, he comes in fourth). But then he has to open his mouth after and compare his comeback to Ben Hogan’s in 1949.

“It’s very similar to what Hogan went through coming off the accident,” Woods said. “He couldn’t play that much, and when you can’t play, you have to concentrate on your practice.”

Ben Hogan was in a car accident, see, back in 1949, just like Tiger. Only he threw himself in front of his wife inside their car to save her when a Greyhound bus plowed into them. And he only, like, broke his collarbone, pelvis, ankle and ribs. So, yes, it is VERY SIMILAR, Tiger. That is to say, Fire your handlers immediately, you dumbass.

80 year-old golf writer, Dan Jenkins, who knew Hogan, was quick to point out that Tiger’s comment was “stupid” and “moronic.” Jenkins is considered the best golf writer EVAR. Funny, too. Which totally explains this Tweet he posted a day after Tiger’s comment:

Apparently he told another sportswriter that it was “just a joke. I was making fun of the name. Sounds like PF Chang.”

Because Asian names are FUNNY! They’re funny-looking, they’re funny-sounding, they’re funny haha! That’s why making fun of them isn’t racist! At all! And what’s the difference between a Korean golfer and a kinda-Chinese-but-not-really restaurant, right? Chinese food delivery boy jokes are a gas! And this is a joke, people, c’mon! Besides, Y.E. Yang and P.F. Chang do sound–in the stupid and moronic words of Tiger Woods–VERY SIMILAR.

Just like “Dan Jenkins” sounds like “Ancient Crusty Assbag.”

[Deadspin: Y.E. Yang Or Last Night's Chinese Food Delivery Boy? "Venerated" Golf Writer Isn't Sure]
[NY Daily News: Tiger Woods puts foot in mouth by comparing his comeback to Ben Hogan's following 1949 car crash]

Thanks, David!

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5 Responses to “DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Golf Writer Dan Jenkins”

  1. MicroRNA says:

    AHAHAHA! What a douche. Ancient crusty assbag is right. ^_~

  2. Friggles says:

    Wow, the Shecky Green of golf journalism! Well, go easy on him. At least you’re not eating mushed corn and wearing diapers.

  3. harald hardrada says:

    he’s a parasite feeding off tiger’s renown

  4. Friggles says:

    At this point, Herr Jenkins might be wearing the mushed corn and eating the diaper. Who knows.

  5. Le says:

    Ancient Crusty Assbag LOL!!!! I like the word Geriatric more, but Ancient goes better with Assbag :)

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