Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)

March 31st, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Jen

Tiger Woods returns to golf next week at the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA, which is all a lot of people–myself included–have wanted since news of his multiple extramarital affairs surfaced. Golf may be boring, but nothing’s more boring than seeing Tiger’s “Hey Sexy, What Are You Wearing?” text messages dominate the headlines and knowing the dull minutiae of his life. I mean, porn mistresses and turkey club sandwiches? Could you be more pedestrian?!

["Kittens and Tiger Woods' Sexts" via BuzzFeed]

There’s only one problem with Tiger’s return, and that’s how the media’s predicting things will go. Not with his golf swing, mind you, but with his soon-to-be-ex wife, Elin.

Hmm. I dunno. Shouldn’t the question be: “Should Elin run away to Sweden with the children?”

Or: “Should Elin run away with all of Tiger’s money?”

Or how about: “Should Elin CUT HIS FUCKING DICK OFF? (POLL)”

[People: POLL: Should Elin Nordegren Go to the Masters with Tiger Woods]
[Kansas City Star: Tiger Woods' wife skipping the Masters? (Poll)]
[USA Today: Eye-Opener: Should Tiger's wife go to The Masters]

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10 Responses to “Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)”

  1. Cindy says:

    I might argue that running away with all of his money is cutting his dick off.

  2. Jen says:

    I encourage her to cut it off twice.

  3. Mats says:

    Running away with half a Billion? That would buy an entire Swedish city!
    By all means, remodel that appendage into chopped slivers using the sand wedge. She already exhausted the 7 iron on the Cadillac… Save the Big Bertha Driver for later proceedings.

  4. dalianmoon says:

    I vote for all three!

  5. harald hardrada says:

    there’s enough money for her to stay with him — if she leaves, he’ll likely remarry, shrinking her & her kids’ share of his future earnings — unless he remarried, everybody would think he was tomcatting, which he may well do anyway, but he knows that what folks think is what counts — a man who texts such yawn-inducing messages is bored with himself & is thus susceptible to remarrying

  6. sarahsome says:

    cut, sew it, repeat. i like your thinking jen lol

  7. Simon says:

    Why go to your husband’s golf tournament? Grrrl, you need more shopping and icecream in your life.

  8. harald hardrada says:

    if elin writes an e-book, it’ll be titled “i was tiger’s 19th hole”

    the difference between tiger & kobe is if kobe were a golfer, he’d only play the back nine — also, for kobe, it’s normal to be double or triple teamed

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