DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Scotty Lago, Michael Phelps And The Olympic-Sized Case Of Mistasian Identity

March 5th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Earlier in the week, we told you about how snowboarder Scotty Lago went on Kimmel and, with the help of a friend who’d spoken to fellow Olympian Michael Phelps, identified the woman who blew his bronze and got him bounced from the Games as a reporter who had also tried to “make out” with Phelps.

Good thing our friends are smarter than Scotty and Michael’s friends, because ours quickly pointed us to this post by Canadiasian gossip blogger Elaine “Lainey” Lui, the reporter in question, who runs the site Lainey Gossip. Lainey not only refutes that she’s the same woman who gave Lago the bronzejob, but she also tells her side of the story behind the “alleged” Phelps make-out attempt.

Lainey Lui on the left, The Bronze Blower on the right

She writes in “For Michael Phelps: Distinguishing Asians 101″:

I am the Asian reporter in question. I am the person now being accused of getting Scotty Lago kicked out of Vancouver. I am the person Michael Phelps believed was trying to set them both up. Because some people don’t know about Asians.

Here’s what went down:

Jessi Cruickshank and Dan Levy from MTV’s The Aftershow and I were assigned to party duty during the Olympics for Olympic Morning on CTV. It can get boring every day going on the air, straight delivering who was where what and how. Way better to have a unique narrative. Makes for more entertaining television. So the three of us, we were invited to attend the Omega party hosted by Michael Phelps. Knowing that I found him attractive, Jessi and Dan challenged me to complete 3 tasks all to be captured on camera:

1. Get a photo taken with Phelps – bonus points for kissing him on the cheek
2. Find out what cologne he wears
3. Convince him to send me a text message

It was a classy affair. The lights were turned way up. People were taking pictures. There was a photo wall. I didn’t approach Phelps in some seedy f-cking bar and corner him and force myself onto his lap. Instead, my producer printed out my challenge list and attached it to a clipboard. We then showed it to his entourage and INFORMED HIS PUBLICITY TEAM of our intentions. Total transparency. We were reporting on Canada’s OFFICIAL OLYMPIC NETWORK. Our goal was to cut a funny piece for tv in the morning, period, and we hoped that Michael Phelps would have the sense of humour to play along.

But Michael Phelps does not play. His people refused, he refused, he looked scared and uncomfortable, he agreed only to the photo and nothing else, and he shrank away as soon as the picture was taken. So when Jessi and Dan arrived I had to eat the failure. They were all like – what? You suck! Let us make this sh-t happen.

And there goes Jessi, lining up for her picture with Phelps. She stood next to him, smiled, posed normally for the first shot, and then puckered her mouth, turned her face towards him, and tried to lean in. Shut down. That’s when Jessi and I started getting death stares from his people. For the rest of the night, they called us “the kissing girls”, like somehow Jessi and I could damage his fins. Whatever. We ended up with a good story anyway for Olympic Morning, we made fun of ourselves, and we suggested to Phelps that he might want to grow a sense of humour.

Ah, another case of Mistasian Identity!

Perhaps Michael Phelps doesn’t know any better, because, given how much time he must devote to swimming and stuffing food down his gullet, he hasn’t had the opportunity to hang out with any Asians and, therefore, can’t tell us apart?

Phelps and his 2008 GF Caroline “Caz” Pal

Oh right. He dated an Asian chick. Oops.

But we’re not really offended. Because, truth be told…

Lago and Phelps

…all white boy, bong-sucking, butterface d-bags kinda look alike to us, too.

[TMZ: Scotty Lago Conspiracy Theory--Up in Smoke]
[Lainey Gossip: For Michael Phelps: Distinguishing Asians 101]

Thanks, Sophia and Eleanor!

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6 Responses to “DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Scotty Lago, Michael Phelps And The Olympic-Sized Case Of Mistasian Identity”

  1. farleyk says:

    Maybe my will is weak when it comes to pretty journalists, but if it were me, I would have had the picture taken while she smooches me and I’m texting her a message telling what cologne I’m wearing.

  2. Jen says:

    Smart man, KF!

  3. dalianmoon says:

    Those women look nothing alike. A symptom of being a white boy d-bag must be lack of brains.

  4. [...] link: DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Scotty Lago, Michael Phelps And The … Share and [...]

  5. Le says:

    I can’t believe they told Phelps & Co. about the whole challenge beforehand. That kinda takes the fun outta it. But they got declined anyway so I guess it didn’t matter. I wonder if he ever got his ex mixed up with another Asian chick.

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