Dear Texas State Board of Education

March 18th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Texas State Board of Education,

I’ve been following the “liberal-hysteria” that’s ensued since you approved those social studies curriculum changes last week, and as someone who received nearly my entire compulsory education–grades 2-12–in the Texas public schools system, I must admit that I don’t understand what all the fuss is about, particularly with regard to the following points:

The separation of church and state. Have any of the people who’ve gotten their panties in a wad over this ever been to a Friday afternoon pep rally? Or a school-sponsored lock-in? A graduation ceremony?  Or a Texas high school football game…where being led in evangelical Christian prayer is considered standard pre-game ritual? Separation of church and state?!  In Texas, church is state.  So what if the United States Supreme Court says this isn’t legal? Legal schmegal!

The importance of Thomas Jefferson. Was this so-called Founding Father really all that important?  Sure, he wrote the Declaration of Independence, which took us from being Great Britain’s bitch to being our own country, but guess what?  Texas was once its own country, too!  Take that, Jefferson Lovers!

The importance of Hispanics in Texas history. I hear that some of your minority members were lobbying, to no avail, for more recognition of the contributions of Hispanics in Texas, particularly in the seventh-grade Texas History curriculum.  And here I thought the whole point of seventh-grade Texas History class was to teach kids how those sneaky Mexicans almost stole Texas from the good white people who we’d later end up naming all of our cities after.  Sam Houston = Good, Santa Anna = Bad.  That’s what I got out of it, anyway.  That and–Remember the Alamo!  And how fun is that to say???

The internment of Japanese Americans in WWII wasn’t racist. Because German and Italian Americans were interned too!  It was equal-opportunity imprisoning!  Of course, the numbers don’t really compare–110,000 Japanese and Japanese Americans were placed into prison camps during WWII as opposed to 2,000 German Americans and several hundred Italian Americans–but hey, that’s math, not social studies, right?

Maybe you’ll get rid of that next, too?  And then you could get rid of “science” and start banning books that don’t jibe with your political views and beliefs and then…oh wait.  You’re already doing that.

May I suggest that the next subject you dispense with then be P.E.?  P.E. always kinda sucked because it made you sweat and ruined your hair.  And you know how gym teachers, particularly the female ones, have a rep for pursuing an “alternative” lifestyle.  We can’t have this form of “liberal bias” in our schools, now can we?

your humble graduate,


[photo via Treehugger]

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6 Responses to “Dear Texas State Board of Education”

  1. Cindy says:

    Jen, You and I need to sit over 12 cups of coffee and a bottle of wine and reminisce/commiserate about our Texas upbringing. Diana would, not doubt, look at us like we have three heads. I remember the Civil Rights movement occupying a couple of paragraphs on one page of my American History book AND I don’t think we even covered it in class. Amazing I can do anything beyond firing a gun and riding a horse (I can do both quite well btw.)

  2. Jen says:

    How about we reminisce/commiserate over 12 bottles of wine??? We’d need that much alcohol to get through it! (I’m so jels that you’re a good shot. I suck at guns but I do know how to ride a pony.)

  3. MacLu says:

    Wasn’t Gov. Rick Perry talking about secession? Obama should either:

    a) just go ahead and him do it. Sure, we’ll miss Austin but a nation run by science-denying religious nuts will soon devolve into the type of third world country where citizens shoot guns in the air for protest, celebration, or the hell of it. Soon a fence along the Rio Grande will be necessary just to keep the idiots OUT of Mexico.

    b) string him up and hang him for treason. The Republicans love to dangle the patriotism card like a scarlet letter to the point of near fascism (not that any of them would understand that does not mean Obama with a Hitler mustache). Talk about the most unpatriotic, traitorous thing a supposed red-blooded American can say. The National Guard should be on his fucking doorstep.

  4. Cindy says:

    Texans already fire their guns in the air as protest…and in celebration for that matter. So much so that there have been public information/safety campaigns warning that falling bullets kill too.

    @Jen, deal, but you should know I’m not a cheap date.

  5. Jen says:

    Me either, sister!

  6. blue demon says:

    I bet michelle malkin & betty brown are jumping for joy.

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