Tiger Publicly Apologizes For Cheating, Athletes Everywhere Groan

February 19th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Tiger Woods apologized today, ushering in a bizarre new era where professional athletes ask forgiveness for cheating on their wives not only from their wives but from the general public.

(Somewhere, Charles Barkley is driving his SUV drunk on the way to a blowjob, marveling at his own genius.)

To recap, Tiger said he:

  • has a lot to atone for
  • doesn’t get to play by different rules
  • brought shame to his family
  • wants to live a life of integrity
  • will become a better person by returning to Buddhism and by seeking more treatment and therapy

If that fails, Tiger can always tape this picture of his mother Kultida from the press conference (at the 6:00 mark) to a mirror, to scare his ass straight:

Hell hath no fury like a Hardass Asian Mama shamed!

[CNN: Tiger Woods' full apology]
[DISGRASIAN: Tiger Woods To Issue A Public Apology]

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7 Responses to “Tiger Publicly Apologizes For Cheating, Athletes Everywhere Groan”

  1. warubozu says:

    don’t think the public apology was necessarily to his wife. it seems more for his sponsors and public image. if he didn’t, he could lose further and/or future endorsements. this way, a-la all the public apologies for whatever embarrassing thing any star/celeb/etc has ever done, he can work to fix his image and popularity. look at kobe bryant, he apologized and cried and bought his wife a huge ring. he didn’t just cheat, he was accused of a felony rape. if he didn’t have the presser, the public forgiveness would take longer.

  2. Jen says:

    The Kobe Bryant apology was different. Kobe publicly apologized after he was formally charged with rape. He was not only trying to salvage his image at that press conference, he was positioning himself for a legal battle. Tiger didn’t commit a crime per se.

    Ultimately, Kobe was forgiven because those rape charges were dropped. If he’d been found guilty of sexual assault, do you think anyone would have cared about what he had to say at some press conference?

    But I agree with you that Tiger’s apology isn’t for his wife. That’s pretty clear.

  3. prometheus says:

    Serious or not; for the public or not — his mom looks pretty serious ;)

  4. Willis Bullard says:

    First of all, I don’t like tiger so much. He is a robot. I DO think robots are cool, just not human robots. He is the best golfer ever, he is a machine, and I haven’t seen an interview where I thought the guy was human. I have seen him throw golf clubs, have verbal tirades, and just in general, get angry. During those episodes, I thought, “he’s got a shot at being a real person”. The press conference confirmed my initial thoughts that he has a couple screws loose and that his wiring was circuited all wacko style in the 80′s by his pop, and now, he needs some fixin’. I need some fixing too, so, I aint one to judge, but he’ll be a tough one to change up, considering he has been brainwashed from the womb to be who he is.

    And, his mom does scare the shit out of me.

  5. [...] were billed as Tiger’s first since Nov. 27, and both seemed as carefully scripted as his Feb. 19 press conference. To each media outlet, Tiger declined to discuss what really happened on Nov. 27 when he cracked up [...]

  6. [...] were billed as Tiger’s first since Nov. 27, and both seemed as carefully scripted as his Feb. 19 press conference. To each media outlet, Tiger declined to discuss what really happened on Nov. 27 when he cracked up [...]

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