Business Cat, Business Cat, What Are They Feeding You?

February 1st, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Business Cat,

I know you’re an actor and all, but you seem to have a lot of chutzpah (not to mention specs and a necktie), so I’m just going to follow my gut here and ask you a quick question.

Do you have any administrative experience? See, Intern Jasmine is really overloaded (our bad) and she totally needs an assistant. All you would have to do is order her meals, file her taxes, make sure her car registration is paid, call her in for jury duty, check her business email, reply to her business email, spellcheck her tweets, pick up her dry cleaning, break up with guys she’s tired of, untag photos on Facebook that associate her with former friends, make reservations at her favorite restaurants, and… whatever other odds and ends you still have time for. You also have to read DISGRASIAN every day (and spellcheck my posts too, as I get carried away sometimes).

I’m going to be up front here. The pay isn’t great. But at DISGRASIAN HQ there are (in excess): warm windowsills, cardboard boxes, crinkled up pieces of paper, tuna juice, laps, carpet squares, string, yarn, twine, ribbon, very tall spots for sitting (or standing or planning a pounce), tiny stuffed mice, ping pong balls, little toys that roll and make tinkly sounds, and brown liquor. I don’t know if that’s of interest to you, we just happen to have a lot of those things lying around. It’s what makes the work environment comfortable for us. That’s how we do things.

I know what you must be thinking: “But I’m an actor cat! I don’t know anything about running a blog!” And you’re right. You don’t. There’s a very steep learning curve ahead. But here at DISGRASIAN, a number of qualities are needed at the table to help us put out a quality product. And one of those qualities is supreme cuteness. That is a quality you have. That is a quality we like. It’s a quality we NEED.

Please reply with a current resume and 50 photos. Then come on down.

Diana Nguyen

[via Warming Glow]

Thanks, Dave and Tina!

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5 Responses to “Business Cat, Business Cat, What Are They Feeding You?”

  1. dalianmoon says:

    Aww…I want one!

  2. Cindy says:

    I would volunteer Moseby part time even though I know he’s not a cat. Maybe Jasmine will have better luck getting work out of him. He has flat refused to deliver papers, do telephone sales or even to vacuum his on hair up around the house. He is however a great office companion and loves a good road trip.

    He also told me that 50 photos was too much. He felt he was cute enough that 3 or 4 will do. (I might be to blame for his inflated ego. Sorry.) Let me know.

  3. Diana says:

    Jasmine, we’ll have to leave this up to you…

  4. Friggles says:

    He’s clearly a “Salary cat” who drinks too much Saki, stays in transport cylinder hotels, wears his heart on his sleeve singing Karaoke torch songs and misses his family. What part of the words “emotional distress” do you not understand? I doubt you’d have the same vapid enthusiasm if he was an overworked banana slug working for Sanyo.

  5. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by DISGRASIAN, Jasmine Davila, Asian Angel, jasminedavila, Julian and others. Julian said: RT @disgrasian: Business Cat, Business Cat, What Are They Feeding You? [...]

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