Ask The Intern: Is “Me So Horny” The New “I Love You”?

February 13th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Guest Contributor


Guest Contributor Intern Jasmine of This Is Jasmine answers all of your disquestions! Today’s topic? Valentine cards.

Love is in the air! Jessica W. wrote in this week wondering what DISGRASIAN thought of these “Stank Sentiments for Sweethearts” valentines–love notes printed with select rap lyrics–and, more specifically, this one:

Call me a party pooper but it’s hard for me to get excited about a card that expresses a sentiment I’ve heard yelled at me for pretty much all my life. I mean, valentine messages are supposed to be special, right, and not what some random a-hole says to you on the street on a Monday morning?

I know, I know, it’s supposed to be ironic. But I guess I must have some sort of hipster irony deficiency because I’m just not seeing it.

All I see is this:

And this:

To wit, that’s an eyeful of hookers and dismal production values. Kinda cheap for the occasion, don’t you think?

But I won’t front. I did like the song when I was a kid. It was the 80′s, and my family had recently moved from Okinawa–dad was in the US Navy–to Brooklyn. Not the “hip” Brooklyn of today, overrun by hipsters or parents with expensive strollers, but East New York, where it was kinda scary. What was cool about it though was that everyone in the neighborhood listened to rap, house, or freestyle. I’m not trying to establish some kind of street cred (okay, maybe I am) but what I’m saying is 2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny” and its hook were super fun and hilarious to sing, to the horror of my strict Filipino Roman Catholic parents. Actually, that’s probably why it was so fun and hilarious.

It became less fun when I started hearing it from neighborhood boys, when all I wanted to do is walk to the corner store and get an ice cream sandwich. Or when I heard it from gross dudes on the subway who, when you ignored them, got angry and in your face and screamed it while giving you the chink-eye.

“But Jasmine!” you say, “These are supposed to be stank sentiments!” And I say, “Is straight romance so hopelessly un-cool?” Maybe it’s because I’m old-fashioned (I was born in the 70s!) but I would have loved to see something borrowed from lyrics like the ones below, from Method Man and Mary J.’s “You’re All I Need To Get By/I’ll Be There For You,” lyrics about your “baby” and your “boo”:

Back when I was nothin’
You made a brother feel like he was somethin
That’s why I’m with you to this day boo no frontin’
Even when the skies were gray
You would rub me on my back and say “Baby it’ll be okay”

Okay, so Method Man then follows that up with:

Now that’s real to a brother like me baby
Never ever give my cootie away and keep it tight aight

It’s all about balance, you see. Sweet and sexy. Stank and funny. Where do “Me So Horny” and “Me Luv U Long Time” fit in that particular equation? To me, it’s just stank. And stank without funny is, well, stanky, and who needs that on Valentine’s Day?

Because I want to end this on a cheerful note, here are some online Valentine’s greetings for your loved ones that aren’t stanky like old cheese:

“Law & Order: SVU” Valentines: Brandon Bird is an artist whose work incorporates pop culture icons to hilarious effect. These free valentines are part of a larger set of designs, which can be purchased in card form here.

“Valentines for Journalists (Part II)”: 10,000 Words brings in a new batch of valentines for journalists (or anyone who appreciates doing it “AP style”) for 2010, after a successful debut of the concept in 2009.

“The Office” Kelly & Ryan Valentine e-card: NBC offers a small selection of e-cards, but this is obviously the best one because it features DISGRASIAN™ favorite Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor in full on Subtle Sexuality mode.

So stay sweet on February 14th! And maybe just a little stanky to keep things interesting. But not, like, hooker-and-low-rent-rap-video stanky, okay?

[The Frisky: Nothing Says Happy Valentine's Like Rap Lyrics]

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5 Responses to “Ask The Intern: Is “Me So Horny” The New “I Love You”?”

  1. dalianmoon says:

    “Me So Horny” is so tired.

    I like the Law & Order: SVU ones. I just may have to print one out for my hubby.

  2. Cindy says:

    Definitely all stank no funny. I don’t think it old fashioned (you are a youngun’ to me), but merely good taste to want sweet (maybe a little naughty, some sweet naughty) on Valentine’s. Frankly, I’m riding high from the best Valentine’s gift ever this year. Feeling good to be me. Thoughtfully sweet is best.

  3. [...] so I wrote another “Ask The Intern” dispatch for DISGRASIAN™. This one is titled “Is ‘Me So Horny’ The New ‘I Love You’?” Want to know what the answer is? I’ll give you a hint: Call me a party pooper but it’s hard [...]

  4. prometheus says:

    Pretty lame; then again, I suspect poor sales will make that apparent soon enough.

    And, hellooooooooooo Kelly Kapour!

  5. PoweredByRice says:

    Haven’t you folks seen this t-shirt that Blacklava sells? It says “I will not love you long time!”

    http://blacklava.net/#/item/i_will_not_love_you_long_time_women's_boy_beater/

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