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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Stop The Deportation Of Qing Hong Wu [UPDATE]

The bootstraps tale of Qing Wu, 29 (pictured), is, by nearly all accounts, a success story. As the NY Times reported last week, his family legally immigrates from China when Qing is five, settling in New York’s Chinatown. His mother finds work in a garment factory, his father cooks in Chinese restaurants out of state, but they can still barely make ends meet. As a result, they have little time to look after Qing, who starts getting into trouble as a teen, despite being a gifted student and scoring in the 98th percentile in math (of course). At 15, Qing commits a series of muggings with his delinquent friends and gets sent to juvey.

photo by Todd Heisler/NY Times

It is then that Qing begins to turn his life around. He gets out after 3 years for being a model inmate, receives his GED, works his way up from data entry clerk to corporate vice president of IT operations at a national firm, supports his mother with his earnings, gets engaged, and at age 29, decides to apply for U.S. citizenship. Future’s so bright, you gotta wear shades, right?

Wrong.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Stop The Deportation Of Qing Hong Wu [UPDATE]

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Elizabeth Hurley “Forgets” Sari Blouse, My Ass

HuffPo reports that Elizabeth Hurley attended a black-tie event this week in London dressed in a sari but “forgot” to wear a blouse underneath.

Hurley and hubby Arun Nayar

Can you imagine this kind of senility setting in at age 44? Poor thing!

But forgetting Elizabeth’s age-defying boobage for a second, let’s do a scroll down to her feet:

Continue reading Elizabeth Hurley “Forgets” Sari Blouse, My Ass

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HONORASIAN ALERT: Joannie Rochette

Thursday night, were there two Asians on the women’s figure skating medal podium…or three?

There was gold medal winner Kim Yu-na of South Korea, who skated perfectly, set a new scoring record, and was, according to the NY Times, “taken aback by her own crying” at the end of her performance; and there was silver medal winner Mao Asada of Japan, who failed to nail two of her jumps, looked stoically sad about being the first loser during the medal ceremony, and later described herself as “regretful”…and then there was Canada’s Joannie Rochette, who stayed in the competition and won the bronze only four days after her mother’s sudden death from a heart attack, who, after the competition, recounted how her mother was sometimes her biggest critic, how when Joannie would score a 98 on a test, she’d wonder, “What about those other two points?”

So let’s see…

We had perfection and an unexpected display of emotion, stoicism and regret, and memories of a Hardass Mama willing her child to succeed?

Sounds like an Asian sweep to me!

[CNN: Rochette earns bronze, thanks her late mother]

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An Olympic Medal By Default Would Smell As Sweet

In the nail-biter Final of the women’s 3,000-meter speed skate relay last night, the South Korean anchor whizzed across the finish line in gold medal position–with Chinese rivals scowling at their tail, Canada scrambling just behind, and the U.S. over a half-lap away.

Minutes later, South Korea got disqualified for this bump, which happened during the last turn:

A little bump 'n' grind

And with the leaders out, et voilà, the lagging U.S. team instantly became a team of bronze medalists.

Luck be four ladies tonight!

Continue reading An Olympic Medal By Default Would Smell As Sweet

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Aziz Ansari

Happy birthday to comedian Aziz Ansari, who turned 27 this week! This guy’s got everything: he’s cute and hilarious, stars on a network comedy and currently has a sweet development deal with Judd Apatow. He’s become a cult hero and rolled large with Jay-Z. He’s been on Letterman, for chrissake. All by the tender age of 27.

So much already achieved! Yet so much life ahead of him!

Eh. I’m too jealous now. F*ck Ansari!

[Read Aziz's Tumblr]

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Apolo Anton Oh-face

I realize this ad featuring AOTW Apolo Ohno is supposed to be selling you on that nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine-induced sleep coma Nyquil is so famous for…

But all I see is a serious case of O-Face. You know what I’m talkin’ about…Oh!

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Party With Hyphen Magazine And DISGRASIAN (Sorta), Friday, February 26 In SF

What’s up, party people! If you’re in the Bay Area this Friday, February 26, scoot on down to the Hyphen magazine Trailblazing Issue release shindig. To celebrate the issue, you know, where we’re on the cover? Because you love us, and you love Hyphen, and you love live music and live art (even though, like us, you’re not entirely sure what “live art” is)?

Deets below:

Continue reading Party With Hyphen Magazine And DISGRASIAN (Sorta), Friday, February 26 In SF

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ROCK OF ASIAN: The Morning Benders

Kids. Ever wonder why you take music lessons? Piano, violin, or something infinitely more embarrassing like the oboe (which maybe I played for 7 years…um, shut up)? Is it to please your parents? Or to give recitals in a scratchy lace dress or a suit too big in the shoulders that you’re supposed to “grow into” to, again, please your parents? Or is it to mold yourself into a quote-unquote well-rounded individual so that one day you can get into your first choice college instead of some safety school so that, ultimately, and sadly, you please your motherfuckin’ parents?

Nay.

It’s because, one day, instead of going to a crappy 9 to 5, you’ll be rolling out of bed at noon to jam with your friends. Your friends who have cool haircuts and beards as long as they want, who are skinny and weirdly hot because they magically and mysteriously don’t need to eat like the rest of us (and maybe, too, because of the cigarettes and drugs).

Shoot, it’s because of the cigarettes and drugs.

And it’s because you’ll soon discover that making music, a fact that once made you a social pariah and a nerd, actually gets you laid in the real world. Like, a lot. And that getting laid will give you more material with which to make music. And that will, in turn, get you laid some more, and so on and so forth, even though you’re still kind of a nerd, but in the best possible way.

Watch this video of the making of the Roy Orbison-y single, “Excuses,” from the Berkeley, CA outfit The Morning Benders to see what I mean, and keep practicing, ‘kay?

Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: The Morning Benders

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BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi


Name: Miho Takagi

Age: 15 (please don’t perv out, pervs)

Occupation: Student, Olympic speed skater

Hails from: Japan

Why She’s A Babe: Though she hasn’t medaled in these Olympic games, Takagi catches our eye every time she’s on the ice. With a baby-sweet grin, bitchin’ lean muscles, and cute-as-hell pixie bob haircut, she always manages to look both athletic, slick and chic–even in a gold lamé racing suit.

And about that uniform… many netizens saw published practice photos of the teen and gleefully pointed out that her suit revealed a dainty G-string, but it turned out the Continue reading BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi

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I Have A Dream For Tila Tequila

…that one day, diarrhea of the mouth will cease to ail her, her internal fictions will subside…






…and that she will be immortalized in the flesh:


Tila has never looked cuter!



Only then will she truly be at peace.


[Carlton Jordan: Tila Tequila Australian Interview - "Don't Disrespect The Ambassador!"]
[Tat via Neatorama]
Thanks, Jasmine!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno


Name:

Age: 27

Hails from: Seattle, WA

Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater

Known for: Championship bling. After winning his seventh Olympic medal on Saturday night, becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympic athlete of all time. Proving that the time-tested technique of Hardass Asian Parenting, via single father Yuki, can pay off in spades. Showcasing excellent hip control. Somehow being extremely hot despite a chronic case of chin pubes.

Apolo’s name was derived from the Greek words “Ap,” (“steer away from”) and “lo,” Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno

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The World Loves A Sausage Party

The only downside I can see to the growing South Korean trend of using a snack sausage as a substitute fingertip during the cold months of winter (which we read about on HuffPo)…

"Brrrrr... so cold... but... need... to play... Doodle Jump!"



…is that you can’t eat the sausage while you’re using it as a finger!

Lawd knows, sometimes a girl just wants to eat the sausage.

Conundrums!

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Thanks, Dave!

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