An Open Letter From DISGRASIAN To Shawne Merriman

December 10th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hello Shawn,

Not a merry man

Okay, we don’t know you. We’re not your big sisters. But if we were your big sisters–whoo boy, this “conversation” would be the 9,473,665th epic, painful, terrifying, soul-sucking Hardass Asian Sister lecture of the month, not just one kindly open letter on a blog.

We read today that you are finally suing your former fiancée, Tila Tequila–your part of the fallout for a boom-and-bust engagement that erupted in alleged violence and went down in internet flames. To be clear, we don’t and likely will never know what went down between the two of you that ugly night. We both saw her bruises and read your side of the story. And we know she’s batshit crazy, but you’re a fuckin’ testosterone-filled LINEBACKER. Sure, Tila was busted in lies about her alcohol allergies and the lawsuit against you was dropped for lack of evidence, but athletes can make legal magic happen with a snap–just ask Tiger how that breathalizer test wasn’t.

Listen, we’re not a judge, jury, or deity, so we’re not going to decide who was right in whatever fucked-up altercation occurred between y’all.

If you’re innocent, you got pretty rocked by the scandal. Your name has been synonymous with “lady-beater” on Tequila’s blog and beyond for months, and we must say, it’s fascinating that you’re suing for “intentional interference with contract and unfair competition as well as trademark infringement” in condemnation of her use of your logo on her site, rather than defamation.

But let’s just get right to the point. If we were your big siblings, we would have just one bit of advice (besides this one: LAYING ONE VIOLENT FINGER ON A WOMAN IS WRONG).

That bit is…

NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN LIKE THIS: