Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi

October 27th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana
Simpson Searches For Beauty

Simpson Searches For Beauty

“Ken, I am like, fully having soooo much fun in India! I’m so glad that I decided to wear my Indian vest and jean shorts to tonight’s gala. Remember when we bought this vest in New Mexico? I actually am kinda loving it right now.

Anyway, how much are you feeling this country? Everyone keeps saying sorry, sorry, sorry all the time. Who was it that was telling me that I should wear sorries for special parties? I didn’t know how to look sorry, so I just wore this old vest!

OMG, we have taken sooooo many awesome (three) pictures of all of the beautiful sights ( including ourselves at totally nondescript locations like the airport) here in this strange country!! Right?? I really kinda dig the hand b-b-bling, right?  Look at this! It’s like somebody… drew all over my hand!  I feel like they should, like, totally do this in America, cuz it looks so good on you no matter what size you are. Just like shoes and sweatpants. But I’m not sure about this bindi thing. I think it makes me look cross-eyed. Every time I look at it in the mirror I look cross-eyed.

Oh oh oh–but when I was complaining about my dot being too weird, Neha told me I looked like Gwen Stefani! Do you think I look like Gwen Stefani? And OMG question: How did Gwen get so skinny after that second baby already? She’s like Ashlee, they’re all, ‘Ohmygaw! I just like, run around after the baby or whatever and I already look cute in jumper shorts and pumps!’ Whatever. If I had a baby, I bet I’d be all skinny and stuff, and I would wear shorts every day.

UGH. KEN. I need you to be real, real honest with me for one second. And never repeat that I asked you this: When did I become the yucky sister? It was always like, Ashlee was the ugly sister with the big hips, and I was a Barbie and I could just like, be totally nice and everything, and bring her along for the ride. I had the boys, and she had her like, y’know, little friends and stuff. Now she’s like ‘I’m married! I have a baby! I have red hair! I have no fat on my stomach!’ and I’m all, ‘Oh ma gaw, I hate football now, I hate boys–unless they’re YOU, Ken! You’re my man and you know that!–I need a wrap to cover up my mom bikini because my butt looks like ASS.’ And Ashlee’s just all, ‘go for it, girl! Sing them country songs!’ Do you think she’s trying to show me up with all of her stupid hats and black nail polish and acting career and stuff? Not that she would, but I don’t really trust her. She always tells me that stuff I’m wearing makes me look amazing, and then the next day Us Weekly tells me I look like a sausage. I don’t wanna look like a sausage! That betch is trying to ruin me! Just because Daddy loves me more! It was all that stupid nose job, Ken! She was nothing before that nose job! She was nothing before me! I’m the beautiful one, Ken! I’M THE BEAUTIFUL ONE! I’M THE BEEAAAUUTIFUL ONE!!!!!!!”

[Mirror: Jessica Simpson Gets An Indian Makeover As She Arrives In The Sub-Continent To Film Reality TV Show]

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response to “Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi”

  1. namanyonma says:

    Nice mehndi. Hey, Jess, if you want to make it a “reality” show, why don’t you come visit me? We’ll go out and have an *awesome* time! I’ll show you all around my refugee camp and you can meet me and my friends, and we can share all our tips for staying skinny (Hint: it’s a combination of walking 5-10 miles in the fricken himalayas DAILY, malnutrition and…wait, what’s that third one? Oh yeahhhhhh, dysentery!)
    Anyhoo! Tell me how the show goes for ya! *toodles*

    …I’m apparently having an angry day today.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!