DISGRASIAN™

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Balloon Boy Family

Lessons learned from yesterday’s Balloon Boy incident…

1) It only took one person to start the rumor–and the ensuing media frenzy we all used as an excuse to blow off work Thursday–that 6 year-old Falcon Heene was up in that shiny, oversized-birthday balloon. And that person was Falcon’s older brother, 9 year-old Bradford.

LESSON LEARNED: We should never believe anything that comes out of children’s mouths.

2) When the Heene family was later interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live, little Falcon dropped a bombshell that suggested the day’s events had been nothing but a carefully-planned hoax: “We did this for the show.”



LESSON LEARNED: We should believe everything that comes out of children’s mouths.

3) On Friday morning, when the Heene family was gently pressed by a kindly Meredith Vieira on The Today Show about Falcon’s bombshell statement, the 6 year-old vomited not once, but twice (around the 6:28 mark).

LESSON LEARNED: Vomiting on cue, unlike crying on cue, is a majorly underrated talent.

4)
LESSON LEARNED: Richard Heene is not as talented an actor as his puking-on-cue son, Falcon.

5) Our favorite blog patroness, Arianna Huffington, went on MSNBC’s The Ed Show Thursday afternoon to talk about this little thing called Afghanistan, but the interview was subsequently hijacked by the subject of Falcon Heene, who had, at that point, been found very much alive.

When Arianna, who later deemed Balloon Boy a “non-story,” asked host Ed Schultz, “Now that the little boy has been found, why are we still talking about it?” Schultz responded, somewhat scoldingly, that Balloon Boy was “a good lesson to parents across the country to make sure you always know where your kids are.”

Uh, right.

LESSON LEARNED: On second thought, there are no lessons to be learned from Balloon Boy.

Sigh. Well, we may have learned nothing whatsoever from Balloon Boy…

…but we still think Falcon Heene would make a seriously awesome Halloween costume.

Think about it. Run with the possibilities. Nay, fly! Fly on little Falcon Heene’s clipped wings!

LESSON LEARNED: When life hands you a Balloon Boy lemon, make Balloon Boy lemonade.

Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Attention Whores, Breaking News, Fake Scandals, Halloween, Reality TV, Reality TV Contestants, UFOs