I heard somewhere, once, that Olga Kurylenko (hot Bond girl) was born with six fingers on each hand. This tale also included mysterious details of Olga having digits #11 and #12 removed during her babyhood or youth, a formative element of her awkward early development. Eventually, she would blossom into a swan–with mile-long legs, striking cheekbones, and shimmering skin–and since she was all grown up and out-of-this-world hot, she could drop the little finger factoid casually in interviews ever after. What a curious creature! What a fabulous story!
Phew! I could actually like this woman, because she wasn’t one of those awful people that had spent their entire life being too pretty to be interesting, fun, smart or kind.
Let me just state right here and now that I have nothing against people with more than ten fingers (or less). And why should I? Who am I to judge a person based on how many body parts they have compared to most other people? That is simply not the point.
But I must say I was fascinated by this particular tidbit about Kurylenko. Like truly fascinated, almost to the point of obsession. Should I have happened across her visage on the glossy cover of Maxim, for instance, I would immediately begin to pore over the images of the editorial spread, quickly skipping past her flawless face and strategically peppered bits of clothing to eye the shape of her hands. After all that, how did those hands end up looking so gosh-darn perfect? I would wonder. Is it simply the magic of Photoshop? Or how much cosmetic surgery did that entail? Now that I think about it, what kind of extra fingers did she have, anyway? Two extra pinkies or two extra thumbs? Or an extra ring finger? Or a bonus nubby thing?
So here comes the big moment.
This morning, as I glanced over the first few images from a particularly beautiful behind-the-scenes spread of Kurylenko posing for the 2010 Campari calendar, I thought I had something figured out. Somebody busted.
THEY AREN’T SHOWING HER HANDS! OMG, THEY CAN’T SHOW HER HANDS!!! WOW! I thought. (Please keep in mind that this was just a minor triumph for me, as I did obviously accept that this was a rather dubious achievement/realization. But STILL…)
Maybe with BTS photos, there isn’t time for adequate airbrushing, so they just omitted everything below her wrists! I said aloud, as if it was possible. I thought, Perhaps despite her elegant poses and near-perfect physique, there’s simply too much evidence of ol’ number #11 and #12 here! Which means this is no myth! This is really real! I don’t know why I care, but I do!
So right then and there I googled “Olga Kurylenko” and “12 fingers…”
…and realized, after all of this time and quasi-obsession, that a different Bond girl had extra fingers when she was born. And that story is shorter, as well as slightly less sweet. Gemma Arterton (that’s her) told Esquire about undergoing an operation (having the fingers “tied”) to cause them to fall off naturally, a process from which she still bears bumpy scars.
Well, that solved the mystery.
So did a closer look at those Campari shoot photos, which feature Kurylenko’s hands quite prominently:
This, my friends, is why gossip and rumors suck.
Does this mean I hate Olga now? She might be too pretty to like.
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