A Shot at Marriage with Tila Tequila

August 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Guest Contributor

by Guest Contributor Intern Jasmine of This Is Jasmine:

Apparently, somebody proposed marriage to Tila Tequila this month.


There it was on her (now protected) Twitter stream, and you know if it’s on Twitter, it must be true, right?

While Tila Tequila is, in fact, the person I believe is doing even less for Asian-American women than Michelle Malkin, I guess that doesn’t mean she isn’t entitled to martial bliss. In fact, Jen and Diana wondered if maybe DISGRASIAN™ shouldn’t send over a present or something to congratulate the happy couple, an attempt to bury the hatchet for a little while. Frankly, I thought the money could be better spent on a present for me, their devoted intern, but I’m trying to be a better person. So I set about looking for the perfect gift with a minimum of whining.

What do you get for VH1′s premiere reality show fame ‘ho? As she is, supposedly, the queen of the internet, I went a-Googling for some clues. While Tila’s Twitter is now hidden, pics posted to Twitpic from her Twitter are still available. Pictures of her “bow pams” (read: her boobs) and celebrity pals like P. Diddy aside, there really wasn’t much to help me figure out what would make the best gift. Would a media mistress like her do something so pedestrian as actually register for presents?

She would! She did! It’s right here!


I forwarded the registry to Jen and Diana, who were just as surprised as I was. Jen handed over the DISGRASIAN™ credit card, warning me not to spend more than $75 and not to buy anything that I couldn’t return.

Tila was smart enough to list a number of items at various price points, because, you know, bloggers are a budget-conscious crew. The registry obscured the identity of her groom, alas – he’s listed as “Tilo Tequila” on the registry. Who is this dude? Is he so much more famous that the sheer knowledge of his identity as the groom would turn all of our worlds upside down? There weren’t a lot of “manly” things on the registry anyway–many of the gifts seem targeted towards her, um, taste. Unless I’m wrong and the size 5 clear heels from “Exotic High Heels” are actually for the groom (Tila’s comments below are italicized):

“CLEAR HEELS ARE THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS OF YOUR FEET.
THEY GO WITH EVERYTHING.”

Can’t argue with her there. I mean, clear heels are a reality tv fashion “do,” right?

Tila also registered for some white lingerie, which sounded so sweet:

“PERFECTO! I need a wear a costume to be a virgin bride, LOL.

Oh dear. You can accuse Tila of a lot of things (believe me, I know I do) but you can’t say she doesn’t have a sense of humor.

Other items on the list that caught my interest:

“TILA LOVES SMOOTHIES AND THINGS THAT VIBRRRRRRATE!”

“I want ‘my first time’ as a married woman to be ELEGANT & CLASSY.”
“NO COMMENT! LOLZ!”
“Blu contacts on an AZN? Not natural but SUPERNATURAL! These are my ‘something blu’!!!!!”

The Magic Bullet and the sheets strike me as being normal gifts, the kind of stuff you’d see on anybody’s wedding registry. But the Magic Wand Massager? That’s a little intimate, though I suppose in 2009 it shouldn’t surprise a prude like me that ladies would not only have them but think to put them on registries for other folks to see in the first place.

Part of trying to be a better person is challenging one’s norms. So I guess I’m settling on the Magic Wand Massager as a gift to Tila and her Mr. Tequila-to-be. Weirdly, there’s an option on Amazon to buy this used, a thought I entertained for five seconds, being a budget-conscious blogger myself (plus, it’s kinda funny, no?). But I don’t think I could bring myself to buy a used vibrator massager for anybody–no matter how gross I thought they were–not even for Tila Tequila.

[Tila Tequila Wedding Registry]

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