Birthdays are nice, because sometimes they force us to say something pleasant to or about people we’re not usually all that nice to.
This week, that person is Jessica Simpson, who we’ve historically been, y’know, less-than-forgiving to (Note to Ms. Simpson below the pic):
HELLO Jessica Simpson, and happy birthday! You’re 29 and
it shows wow, you’ve never looked better it’s awesome to still be able to say you’re in your twenties and unmarried and loving it, right? We’d like to wish you a great year and, for your sake, the ability to find some kernel of real talent within yourself so that you might actually become somewhat relevant in the public eye again. Party hard, lady! Maybe you can keep the birthday cake in your own mouth this time (see above for memories)!
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