When Pretty Collides with Perfection

May 14th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Elizabeth Banks and Aishwarya Rai at the Cannes premiere of the Pixar film “Up”

ELIZABETH: Oh joy, lucky me! I get to walk the red carpet with “The World’s Most Beautiful Woman”! There definitely must be a God. And he hates me.

AISHWARYA: Come now, darling. At least your films are widely seen in the West. Most Americans can’t even name one of my films!

ELIZABETH: Do you think most Americans can name any one of my films either?! All the good parts I go up for end up going to that whore Rachel McAdams. Do you know how close I was to landing The Notebook? To sniffing Ryan Gosling’s godly flesh?

AISHWARYA: Oh!

ELIZABETH: So I’m always left playing the girlfriend. Or the blonde. Or the blonde girlfriend. Or the brunette girlfriend. Or the…whatever-colored-hair girlfriend who isn’t an integral part of the story. Arghhh. Shoot me.

AISHWARYA: What about that porno you made? Surely people remember that?

ELIZABETH: It wasn’t a real porno. Unfortunately…that would have actually helped my career.

AISHWARYA: (sympathetic) I see. Well, you look divine in red, dear.

ELIZABETH: I wore it when I found out I’d be walking the red carpet with you. So I would blend right in to the floor, and no one would be, like, There goes Aishwarya Rai and, uh, What’s-Her-Face-Oh-Who-Really-Cares-Anyway-Let’s-Not-Even-Bother-to-Put-Her-in-the-Headline

AISHWARYA: No one will say that about you!

ELIZABETH: Trust me, people will definitely be saying that about me.

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!