Because, in response to recent census data revealing that our population numbers are shrinking in the U.S., we asked our people to start procreating. We didn’t think people would take our advice literally or that they’d start doing it, y’know, right this second. (Perhaps Tila’s uterus is magic?) But now that, uh, some people have, we’ve come to believe our disclaimer–advising people with certain conditions to disregard our procreation call–was probably not thorough enough either.
So as much as we hate a redo, because that suggests we actually made a mistake, we feel compelled to reissue that disclaimer, with some minor revisions and in a bigger font, for the hard-of-seeing:
DISCLAIMER: This advice [re: that our people should procreate] should not be heeded by teenagers, students with outstanding college loans and no job prospects, hipsters, hipster grifters, assholes, drips, people lacking in charisma, dumb people, lovers of emo, children-haters, people lacking “indoor voices,” Michelle Malkin, or mimes…as well as fame whores, reality TV “stars,” people with fake circus tits, people with dead-sounding voices lacking in inflection, clichés, terrible recording artists, and…Tila Tequila.
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