MILEY: Guys, I’m so glad you’re here tonight. It means so much to me. It’s times like these when you really need good friends around you who know your heart. I’m so glad I can count on y’all.
GUY IN THE TIE: Dude, what? You paid us $100 to be in the picture.
MILEY: Just remember–no goofy faces, okay?
GUY WITH THE GOATEE: Like what do you mean?
MILEY: I mean, keep your eyes open real wide. Don’t, like, squint or laugh too hard or look like you’re sleepy. Do your eyes like (pointing to the LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS)…like her.
LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS: What do you mean “do” your eyes like me? What am I doing with my eyes exactly?
MILEY: You’re making them really really big.
LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS: No I’m not.
MILEY: Are too.
LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS: I’m not “doing” anything to them. This is how my eyes look.
MILEY: Hunh. That’s weird. I thought all of you had small eyes. You must use really great eye makeup.
LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS: Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?
GUY WITH THE GOATEE: Hey, Miley, do you think you could kick in a gift bag on top of the $100 bucks you gave us to pose in this picture? I’d love to take one home to my wife.
MILEY: Uh, I don’t know. I mean, this gift bag’s mine, and it has my favorite aromatherapy scented candle in it. And they’re kinda only giving these to celebrities.
LADY IN THE STRIPEY DRESS: While you’re at it, could I get your autograph for my daughter? God knows why she still likes you after this latest flap, but she does. Idiot kid.
MILEY: Guys, what’s with all the requests all of a sudden? I thought we were friends!
GUY WITH THE GLASSES: Don’t forget that we’re doing you the favor here. If you want us to pose in a picture with you so people will stop saying you’re racist, the least you could do is pony up a coupla gift bags. And a few autographs. In fact, what you should really be doing is kissing our yellow asses in the hopes that you haven’t completely alienated the world’s biggest consumer demo.
MILEY: You guys are being so mean! I was so not making fun of any ethnicity! I don’t even know what that word means! I’m only 16, gimme a break! I don’t know right from wrong from stupid! I thought you knew my heart!
GUY IN THE TIE: Wow is this pointless. There’s no reasoning with fools, I guess. (sighing) Just take the picture.
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