The Geisha iPhone App: Useless Applicasians

February 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I hate iPhone apps. I only have Facebook and Pandora on my phone, because I don’t want to masturbate all day with it. Isn’t it enough that I simply have a phone? (Remember when Diana prayed to the Technology God to give me an iPhone? Well, it worked. Believe in the power of prayer, kids.) Do I need it to be a harmonica, too? Do I really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because I’m usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why I would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making my phone fart?

Grrrrrr.

Whatever. I get that that’s my issue. I guess it’s also my issue that I don’t get the Geisha iPhone app. She’s a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button’s glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. I know this because I had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it’s cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.

Grrrrrrr. Again.

But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!