Appy-polly-loggies, Miley.

February 10th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Miley,

We’ve been wrong all along. It has quickly become clear that we at DISGRASIAN are the ones that owe you an apology (or a number of them) regarding the “photo of you and your friends,” rather than the other way around. Whoopsie!

Let’s begin: We’re awfully sorry if we called bullshit on the first apology you circulated, addressing the chink-eye photos that have been swirling around the Internet for over a week. We’re sorry if, as evidenced by your second apology, you can’t fucking read.

Like you, we’re sorry “if” we were offended by the photos, if we happen to find mockery of our slitty eyes and chinky buck teef, like, insulting. We’re sorry if we didn’t understand at first that GOD’s plan is for you to be an insensitive, ignorant, good-for-nothing, alienating ingrate. We’re sorry if your face is really naturally goofy (like ours!). We’re sorry if we’re convinced that you are slightly inbred. We’re sorry if it took you half a millisecond to grow “embarassed” and apologize to your fans for the “racy” (eh–we’re not convinced) Annie Leibovitz photos in June 2008′s Vanity Fair, yet you and your bullshit PR team can’t deign to officially deal with these “racist” photos in any kind of decent way. We’re sorry if we believe that Disney is evil, and y’all are proof positive of that.

Moreover, we’re sorry if wrath rains down upon your prett–er, your little head. We’re sorry if one day you happen to find yourself lost in the dark, pummeled by hail, caught up in a horde of locusts, covered in blood and boils, or attacked by frogs and flies. We’re sorry if you end up like Britney–bald, bloated, and crazy. We’re sorry if you find out soon that your model boyfriend doesn’t like girls in “that way.” We’re sorry if your dad has chin pubes. We’re sorry if we still have no idea what you’re famous for.

We’re so sorry, Miley. Anyway, we’ve gotta get back to our busy lives of stuff and stuff! Yayy! =] Here’s a goofy face for the road!!!