SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me, Michael Irvin

January 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Hai. Can’t really talk right now, because I’m kinda busy getting ready for my reality TV audition. I know, I know, reality TV…yick. I’m not in it for the fame or the money, I’ll have you know, since reality TV, like crime, don’t pay. But the prize on this show–which is sort of top-secret and doesn’t have a name yet–is a spot on the 80-person, training camp roster of the DALLAS FUCKIN’ COWBOYS. In other words, dream come true.

The show will be hosted by Michael Irvin and air this spring on Spike. Here’s what they’re looking for in a contestant:

They likely will need a football background — just not too much. They also must be the right age, size and condition to handle an NFL training camp.

“We want someone who will have a real opportunity to make the team,” Irvin said. He also indicated the better the backstory, the better an applicant’s chance of making the show.

Did somebody say backstory?! I’ve got more backstory than Michael Irvin’s got furs and hooker hush money! (Let’s hope they’re not sticklers about “right age, size and condition” however.) And I can throw a perfect spiral. In the ballpark of 10 to 12 yards. Especially if it’s a Nerf. And I can punt the ball in the same range, too. Also especially if it’s a Nerf. And though I’m not great at keeping my eye on the ball, I could learn, right? That’s why they call it training camp, isn’t it?

So pick me, Michael Irvin! Pick me!

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