Oh, the Holidaysians Were Just Great

January 5th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Today is the President-elect’s first day back on the job at Capitol Hill, and he’s hitting the ground running by meeting with Speaker Pelosi and running headfirst into the daunting task of economic policy.

As we ourselves slide reluctantly into our first day back at work, we can’t help but wonder if Obama–between bangs of his head on the desk accompanied by the chant, “I can’t believe I’m going to have to run this broken, mangled, carcass of a country next month”–might quietly be sighing the same airy breaths of relief we all do as we return from two weeks of Holiday “celebrations.” Is he secretly thankful that now he can deal with the insurmountable mountain of work “changing America,” instead of fussing with overcommitments to parties, poor displays of unsentimental gift-giving, and mind-numbing marathons of Taboo and Guesstures with relatives?

After all, Asian lifeblood sorta runs through (or near) our future leader’s veins. Could he possibly know all-too-well the experience of a Hardass Asian Holiday dinner? If his was anything like ours, we can only imagine…

BARACK OBAMA: Merry Christmas, everybody!

MICHELLE OBAMA: Isn’t Hawaii beautiful? Look, Malia and Sasha made cotton-ball Santas for everyone!

MAYA SOETORO-NG: Aw. How lovely.

MICHELLE OBAMA: I mean, Sasha’s is a little lopsided, you know. I told her not to use the glue stick, just to use just the regular school glue, but she doesn’t listen. So it could look better, I suppose.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: I guess you’re still proud of her, though.

MICHELLE OBAMA: Sure, I guess. If only she was as good as her sister.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: Y’know, it’s funny you mention it anyway, because I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did notice that the right side could use quite a few more cotton balls. Don’t you guys use the Johnson & Johnson ones, like I suggested? How many times do I have to buy those for you guys? Barry always buys the generic ones.

MICHELLE OBAMA: He says he can’t tell the difference.

KONRAD NG: I’m with you brother, I can’t really tell the difference.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: [To Konrad] Don’t take his side! You’re my husband, be on my side.

BARACK OBAMA: Guys, I don’t know if it really matters all that m–

MAYA SOETORO-NG: So are you calling us stupid?

BARACK OBAMA: Um… no.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: Why are you trying to start fights? It’s Christmas! You just got here and already you’re starting fights.

BARACK OBAMA: I am?

MICHELLE OBAMA: Listen to your sister, honey. You’re not the “President” here.

[Michelle and Maya high-five]

BARACK OBAMA: Does the driveway need shoveling or something? I think I’m gonna go outside.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: It’s Hawaii. Are you going to shovel sand? [To Michelle] This is just like when he was little. Always saying stuff to get out of the room.

BARACK OBAMA: So… how are things with you? It’s so good to be here and just get away. I don’t even want to think about the Inauguration.

MICHELLE OBAMA: Oh boy, here we go again. Okay, Mister President. Let’s talk about you more.

BARACK OBAMA: I just mean that we’re so busy.

KONRAD NG: Yeah, we are all busy.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: Yes, Barack. We are all busy. You’re not the only one with a job, you know! I have a job, Konrad has a job, Michelle has a job, Malia has a job.

BARACK OBAMA: Malia doesn’t have a job!

MAYA SOETORO-NG: But she will! Don’t you think we should talk about her for a change?

BARACK OBAMA: Change whatever you want! FINE!

MAYA SOETORO-NG: FINE!

KONRAD NG: Does anybody want to play Rummikub?

MICHELLE OBAMA: Okay. But only if we have rum first.

BARACK OBAMA: I can’t wait to get back to work.

MAYA SOETORO-NG: Merry Christmas, everybody!

…Needless to say, we doubt the Obamas roll like we do. But boy, as you can probably tell, we are damn glad to be back at our desks.

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