The Congregation for Catholic Education, a Vatican office that evaluated U.S. seminaries following the many clergy sexual abuse scandals in recent years, says that “homosexual behavior” is on the decline. Behavior? You mean, like, telling you your hair looks shiny and cute when the rest of you looks like a PMS-y, bloated, dead beached whale that local authorities are going to have to dynamite off the sand? Or, like, baking rather than buying you a cake on your birthday? Or noticing how your new platform ankle boots make your runner’s calves–that you got from birth and not from running because you are way too lazy for that kind of thing–look oh-so-slender? Or helping you redecorate your living room, including moving your 500 lb. steel-framed Knoll sofa, because you have a bad back and you’re way too lazy for that kind of thing, too? Or, like, going on a run with you because you need a valid reason to explain your runner’s calves and your favorite sport is smoking cigarettes, and not cruelly laughing when you sputter out after 200 yards and cry in an excruciatingly drama-queenish way, “I’m dyyyyying”? Is that what the Vatican means by “homosexual behavior”?
If so, how sad for them.
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