A 40 year-old man identified only as “Jameel” was arrested this week in Bangalore, India for expressing his support for Muntadar al-Zaidi, aka The Shoe Thrower, at his workplace. The Times of India reported that the police are now investigating Jameel’s “suspected terror links.”
And here we thought terrorists were all sneaky and shit. Don’t real terrorists train in secret camps and hide out in caves? Or, if they do live among us, don’t they typically try to seamlessly blend in so that no one will suspect them of actually being terrorists so that they can, you know, spring a surprise attack, like real terrorists did on 9/11, and more recently in Mumbai?
If “Jameel” is, in fact, a terrorist, then he sucks at it. Does al Qaeda really recruit blabbermouths like Jameel? If he’d give up his terrorist ties so easily over the water cooler, then imagine how that sad sack would do over a waterboard! If he’s a terrorist, then they sure don’t make ‘em like they used to, and, by golly, George Bush–The Shoe Throwee–was right, and we are winning the War of Terror.
Or not. Because by this notion of terrorism, they are everywhere. We ourselves have located two major terrorist cells on Facebook, one with close to 3,000 jihadists and another with over 16,000. That would also mean our friends here are card-carrying terrorists. Oh shit–does that mean we’re terrorists?! We triple-swear that we’re totes not! But, but…you know that guy in Egypt who wants to marry his daughter off to the Shoe Thrower? He totes is! Arrest that man!
Oh. Wait. On second thought, that guy in Egypt probably isn’t a terrorist. He’s just wicked creepy.
But whatever…arrest him for being creepy! That’s a crime, too, isn’t it?
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