When Nobodies Collide

November 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
“I-don’t-know-who-they-are-either” hall-of-famers Phoebe
Price and Bobby Trendy shop for garish trimmings in Los Angeles

PHOEBE: Oh my god, what’s-your-name, you look fuckin’ FAB. Are you tucking?

BOBBY: Tuck and roll, baby! And, ohmigosh,what’s-your-name, you arm poufs are smashing. SMASHING!

PHOEBE: We look hot. My name’s Phoebe.

BOBBY: [forgets instantly] I don’t care. My name’s Bobby.

PHOEBE: [forgets instantly] Right.


PHOEBE: So did you hear about that bitch, Diana, at DISGRASIAN?

BOBBY: Ooh! What happened to her? Is she muerto?

PHOEBE: Oh–nothing. She just went away for a week. Didn’t you notice that the blog got about 100 times funnier while she was away? Anyway, she’s back.

BOBBY: I never think that bitch is funny.

PHOEBE: No. But the other bitch is hi-larious.

BOBBY: Which bitch?


BOBBY: [confused] Oh–oh.

PHOEBE: You look confused.

BOBBY: Wait, you can read?

PHOEBE: You can’t?

BOBBY: [dramatic pause] No.

PHOEBE: [gasps]

BOBBY: [with dismay] I can only read two words: “Juicy” and “Couture.” No wait, I can also read: “Hump” and “Day.”

PHOEBE: Oh, THANK GOD! At least you have that.

BOBBY: It’s all I need.

PHOEBE: What about this? Y-O-U A-R-E A N-E-R-D.

BOBBY: Um… does that spell “unicorn?”

PHOEBE: Yes!!!

BOBBY: Oh, goody!

PHOEBE: How about this? Y-O-U-R F-A-C-E I-S T-O-R-E U-P!

BOBBY: I–um, red-headed ginger lady–you are going a little fast for Bobby!

PHOEBE: Oh, I’m sorry, love. L-I-P G-L-O-S-S I-S F-O-R L-A-D-I-E-S.

BOBBY: Stop it! Stop it!

PHOEBE: Oh, I’ll stop it.

BOBBY: [sobbing heavily] STOP IT!

PHOEBE: [cackles] O-H-K-A-Y.

BOBBY: You’re the devil!

PHOEBE: [laughing to tears] Y-E-S I A-M! A-N-D Y-O-U A-R-E A D-I-S-G-R-A-C-E T-O Y-O-U-R R-A-C-E!

BOBBY: [collapses in a pile of leopard spandex]


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