The Morning-After Pill

November 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


I don’t know what to do with myself today. I went to bed last night drunk for Change (or on, I don’t remember which)–on martinis, champagne, red wine, and beer, in that order–believing that I would have a good night’s sleep for the ages. It’s astonishing that I didn’t wake up at 7:45 this morning with a hangover. Well, I did, actually, but not from the alcohol.

Where do we go from here, I wonder? Yes, I’m already worried about the future. Not only in the global sense (the financial crisis, Iraq, why America still hates the gays), but personally, too. What am I going to think about now? What am I going to hope and dream and pray for? (I don’t actually pray, but I feel like obsessive thinking + wishing for the same thing every day for six months is a close approximation.) What is going to inspire me more than my hair-ripping hatred of Sarah Palin? After this election, can I get it up ever again to, say, muse about something trivial like Tila Tequila’s wonky balloon tits?

I’ve spent all morning looking at pictures of people crying trying to locate my own emotions. Don’t get me wrong–I’m excited. I know we just witnessed history, the likes of which I never expect to see again in our lifetime. I just don’t know what to do with all of this historicity, much less with the rest of my day. I don’t even know what I want for lunch. Shouldn’t I be feeling more joy and elation? Because Barack not only inspired Americans to vote, he inspired a cultural shift among people of my generation, people who seem to have radically transformed in a short amount of time from being ironic, ambivalent, snarky douchebags who only cared about the aesthetics of politics and current events to earnest, emo, touchy-feely douchebags who cry all the time about everything because it all matters so damn much dammit.

Hey, look! I found one thing that hasn’t changed! People are still douchebags. And if people are still douchebags, our work at DISGRASIAN is never done. Oh good. I find strange comfort in that. There’s only so much change a girl can take all at once.

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