DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Mount Kilimanjaro

November 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Shame on you, Mount Kilimanjaro. Shame on you for being inhospitable with your, like, superior verticality and your weather conditions and your painfully thin air, thwarting Ann Curry’s heroically brave and selfless effort to summit you this week. She was only trying to be a good person and show Today Show viewers how your glaciers have melted and we’re killing the environment etcetera etcetera, and how do you repay her? By giving her altitude sickness and making her too weak to climb to the top. Who do you think you are, Kilimanjaro? The Queen of Frickin’ England?


Because of your colossal prickitude, Ann was unable to deliver a hardhitting “Ends of the Earth” special report about global warming and, instead, she was forced to give viewers FIVE INSTALLMENTS of a NONSTOP PITY PARTY. Where she talked about her “pain” and her “suffering” and the fact that she couldn’t shower for nine days! Where she had to report on stuff like her headaches–do you know of anything more boring than talk about headaches? And you made her eyes puffy for chrissakes! Why would you do that? Ann is sooo pretty. She works really hard to look that way, especially at the age of 52, and you WRECKED it. Speaking of Ann’s age, how about the fact that Ann sacrificed her own birthday (which was Wednesday, not that you care) to be with you?! Well?

You do realize that Ann has a sterling reputation as a serious journalist to uphold, don’t you? Didn’t you ever see her interview with Brad Pitt, where she accidentally gave away the Jolie-Pitts’ Christmas plans and only managed to interrupt him about five times? What do you have to say for yourself? Don’t look at me like that, Kilimanjaro, with that blank “Who Me?” expression on your face. You know what you did. You were a mean heartless bitch to our girl Ann Curry. And for that, we will never forgive you.

What, you’re still here? Go on. Scram. Take a hike!

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