Brooke Shields Denies Lipstick Cancellasian

November 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Lindsay Price, Kim Raver, and Brooke Shields in the cancelled/not-cancelled Lipstick Jungle

BROOKE: The show can’t be canceled! I’m Brooke Shields, dammit!

LINDSAY: I heard it is.

BROOKE: Is not!

LINDSAY: Is too!

KIM: Guys. Stop. What are you fighting about anyway?

LINDSAY: For some reason, Brooke is convinced that the show isn’t canceled. And I told her denial is a helluva drug.

BROOKE: She’s just saying my show’s canceled because she doesn’t want to kiss Mushy Lips anymore! But I’m Brooke Shields and when I say my show is number one, it’s number one, dammit!

LINDSAY: Well, yeah, that’s a factor.

KIM: Mushy Lips?

LINDSAY and BROOKE: (in unison) Andrew McCarthy.

KIM: That’s so mean. He’s not that bad.

LINDSAY: Shut up! That’s easy for you to say!

KIM: Excuse me?

LINDSAY: You get to rub yourself on what’s-his-pants all day, every day! It’s not fair.

BROOKE: She does have a point. I mean, why do you get to rub up against what’s-his-pants and not me? I’m Brooke Shields, dammit!

KIM: Wait. Why do you keep saying that? You sound crazy. Like, uh, Brooke Shields-crazy.

BROOKE: Well, I’m the star, obviously. And I went to Princeton.

KIM: So what?

BROOKE: Oh, shut up and get another terrible nose job.

KIM: (gasps, runs out of the room crying)

LINDSAY: You just crossed the line.

BROOKE: Oh, puhleeze. Tom Cruise said worse crap about me and I still went to his wedding and we’ve pretended that we’re besties ever since. Because I’m Brooke Shields, and what I say goes. And if I say the show must go on, the show must go on, despite dismal ratings or whatever the so-called “network” is telling the so-called “media” about this so-called “cancellation” business. Who are these people anyway? I don’t know these people. But do they know who I am? I mean, I’m–

LINDSAY: You’re Brooke Shields, dammit. Yeah. I got that.


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