Schlep for Us, Too!

October 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Sarah Silverman,

We’re reaaaaaally psyched about all of the schlepping to Florida you’ve been organizing in pursuit of Obama votes. What better way to rally that crazy battleground state for the good, than with the power of Bubbes? It’s genius!

Let’s switch gears slightly, yo. With eleven days to the election, we’re shocked to know that a startling few people have actually been made aware that Amendment 1 on Florida’s November 4 ballot has the power to eradicate the 1926 anti-Asian land ownership law still standing in the state’s constitution. As always, Amendments on ballot are confusing. To clarify: This one on the ballot is good! The old one is BAD–It’s the O.G. of anti-slant-eye racism! Sucko!

Maybe it’ll help if we show ya this little excerpt from the Tampa Tribune:

Amendment 1 on the Nov. 4 ballot would repeal a 1926 amendment that allowed the Legislature to ban “aliens ineligible for citizenship” – an old code word for Asian immigrants – from buying and owning real estate. Although the provision was never enforced and was invalidated by subsequent federal court rulings, backers of Amendment 1 believe the words should still be removed from the constitution.

Problem is, most people don’t really know what the hell Amendment 1 is, much less what side of the fence they should land on–and we think ignorant folks might err on the side of “nyet.”

Dude, there is NO FUCKING WAY our peeps can go out like that! Even if the amendment isn’t currently enforceable, it is really fucking fucked up to have to live in a state where the constitution technically says “Hey, you Jappy Chinkos, better get to steppin’ on your lease application. Got a credit report?”

And here’s another problem: the original amendment was really sneakily, craftily worded, using the word “Alien” instead of “Jappy Chinko.” (Here’s something to tell your grandma: “Grandma, we hate anti-Semitic fucks. But we ourselves should be anti…semantical fuck-overing in legislation!“) People hear “alien” and they think, “Shit! Not more Mexicans! This is my damn country!” People hear “alien” and they hear “terror,” or as our beloved Dubya says, “tare,” whatever that means… and when it doubt, it means “9/11 every day of the year.” People hear “alien” and they’re all like, “Whoa, that’s some scary un-American shit. America rules! Keep everrrbody out!”

This just won’t do. We’re Asian, and we’re really smart already, but everybody else we need to EDUCATE.

So here’s our proposal. We’d like to know if you can add this issue to your “Schlep” agenda. We’ve got the brains, you’ve got the schlep, let’s tell all the bubbes…

In return… well, isn’t kicking institutionalized racism in the balls its own return? We sure think so.

Thanks, Sarah! You rule.


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Thanks, Sarah!

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