Y’know, if Oprah had been searching for “America’s Smartest and Most Talented Kids” when Jen and I were younger, we would’ve had that shit in the BAG!
Instead, she waited. She waited until 2008. I have to say, I’m confused–if I wanted to find America’s smartest kid, I’d just call up the United Federation of Teachers and say, “Give me your Asians!” and then just pick the cutest one with the sharpest bowl cut, and call it a day.
Let me just tell you, Best Week Ever just pulled a clip of one of Oprah’s “smartest,” and I can already see that this search is a terrible idea. The results ain’t lookin’ too pretty.
Agh, people… PEOPLE! I can already envision your angry emails: “He’s just a kid, you ornery bitch! Leave him alone!” and “Learning physical discipline takes a lot of smarts!” and “White kids doing martial arts are rad!”
Yeah, yeah. Whatevs.
Listen. I can spot a future Steven Seagal when I see one. Are you ready for another, Oprah fans? ARE YOU?
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