When Jen and I found out that Tila Tequila had RSVP’d for last night’s celebration of Declare Yourself’s voter registration efforts, we knew we couldn’t miss a minute of it. Tila Tequila and DISGRASIAN at the same party? Unlikely (although DISGRASIAN and Patrón tequila at the same fete is actually quite common) but, it seemed, fateful–what a wonderful opportunity to
jump the bitch explain to her kindly why we think most of her behavior is pretty fuckin’ disgraceful.
So we showed up.
Had some drinks. Talked to some people. And waited some more.
Saw a crazy-lookin’ chick with huge tatas and blonde hair and a tight red dress. We squealed because she’d arrived looking beautiful and much classier than usual! Sadly, we were wrong–it was actually the girl from Danity Kane:
Drat. The wait went on. We discussed our approach: Should we lure her with red plastic cups? Should we tell her that a bukkake ring was forming in the next room? Should we punch her in the boob to get her attention?
We waited some more.
Met some cool people at the party. Reminded each other that we weren’t waiting for cool people, we were waiting for Tila.
We waited and waited and waited. And got a little distracted, but in the back of our minds, continued to wait.
Closed out the party, and realized: THE HO NEVER SHOWED.
Tila Tequila must hate voting, right? Because she didn’t come (first time anybody’s said that in long time!) and we never got the chance to
punch her in the boob befriend her.
I know what you’re thinking: maybe she was busy! But y’all, she’s TILA TEQUILA. Homegirl was NOT BUSY.
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