Happy 18th birthday to Mao Asada, who is currently the top-ranked figure skater in the world! We truly envy all of the achievements you’ve tucked under your belt before today–no, wait, we envy your skinny legs and ability to live out our mothers’ gold-medal ice dreams. Augh!
Come visit us in America! You’re old enough to buy cigarettes and watch dirty movies here; what better way to celebrate?
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