In the nine months since Rock Band’s been released, a few drum pedals have kicked the (bass) bucket in my house. Two, to be exact. The first one split neatly in half, and the second, which I borrowed (okay, stole), physically held together but stop registering midway through the first Doolittle jam sesh I had over here. Diana was, of course, present both times, and she was not only banging the drums on the second occasion, she also managed to finish the song we were playing without the use of the kick drum somehow.
The thing about Diana is, that’s how she (drum) rolls. She’s so Asian and, thus, so allergic to failure, that she won’t let a cheap plastic drum pedal breaking breaka her stride. She’s also still in her 20′s, in that sweet spot o’ life where failure is not an option. And I’d like her to stay there for as long as possible. Purely out of self-interest, because there’s no way we’re gonna achieve world dominasian if we’re both old, bitter, and depressed. Her birthday’s in a little over a month, and this here is the perfect youth serum:
It’s the ION Drum Rocker Premium Drum Set. It costs $300. Look how it dwarfs the piece-of-shit Rock Band kit (on the right) that comes with the game. I mean, duuude. It’s awesomely big. It comes with cymbals. And Engadget describes the kick drum pedal as “beefy.” Sweet.
Help Diana realize her lifelong dream of being the second-coming of Neil Peart. Help her stay young, bright, and failure-averse. Help me minimize my shrink bills and fork over the cash, people. Cuz money talks and bullshit plays a broke-ass drum pedal.
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