DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! ABC News’ Martin Bashir

August 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We’re ladies. And we’re genetically programmed to love compliments. We like it when you notice our hair, our clothes, our shoes, our skin, our bods, our earrings, our eye makeup, our cute moles, our weird cowlicks etc. and say really nice things about them. Nice respectful things (wolf-whistling, cat-calling, and yelling out your car window–need we say it even?–don’t count).

What also doesn’t count as a compliment is telling us that looking at us gives you a ragin’ boner, which is precisely what Nightline co-anchor and 20/20 correspondent Martin Bashir (he of “Living with Michael Jackson” fame) told the Asian American Journalists Association last Friday at their annual gala in Chicago. New York magazine’s Daily Intel reports that Bashir said to the room of professionals:

“I’m happy to be in the midst of so many Asian babes,” he said onstage, with his 20/20 colleague Juju Chang nearby. “In fact, I’m happy that the podium covers me from the waist down.”

Don’t get us wrong. We love boners. We love inconvenient boners (like the kind you’d get in 7th grade) and boner jokes. But there is such a thing as BONER PROTOCOL. If we’re about to get it on with you, you can probably talk about your boner. If we haven’t gotten it on with you, but you want to AND–very important, folks–we want to, too, boner talk is also probably okay, depending on the timing (as is always the case when it comes to dick, right?). Basically, if sex is a distinct possibility and there’s a boner involved, it’s probably alright to talk about it. Notice how we say “probably.” What that boils down to is this: Don’t talk about your boner unless we say otherwise.

Yeah, we know, life’s a boner. But those are the rules.

Furthermore, we Asian ladies don’t really cotton to the group compliment, okay? We are sick of being seen–even appreciated–en masse. We don’t want to be viewed only as a group. That makes us feel interchangeable and un-special. We want you to see my cute mole, her weird cowlick, and that chick-over-there’s uniquely fine ass. We want, basically, for people to tell us apart.

Bashir, who is of Pakistani descent (and should know better), boned things even further by going on to say that a speech should be “like a dress on a beautiful woman — long enough to cover the important parts and short enough to keep your interest — like my colleague Juju’s.” Guess he didn’t know how to take his own advice.

That said, we kinda wish we had been there to hear it. Because we would have known what to do with that boner cut it off, alright.

[via Daily Intel]

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

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