What’s Wrong with This Pandure?

July 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


There are several things wrong with this picture. For one, there are two people on this stage (okay, one person and one bear) who need to sign up for Jenny Craig, stat. And, of course, there is more of that unfunny white man’s kung fu that I’m too bored by to delve into. Because I’m really more disturbed by the fact that Lucy Liu is wearing black tights in the middle of summer. This photo was taken yesterday at a Kung Fu Panda press conference in Tokyo, where temperatures reached a high of 86 degrees. Now, in general, black tights are God’s gift to women. They are warm, they are slimming, they allow you to wear obscene minis without looking like a hooker. They make virtually everyone look like they’ve got legs and they know how to use them, even if what’s lurking underneath those tights resembles a vat of old cottage cheese. But black-tights-in-summer are something else entirely. Black-tights-in-summer say, “I haven’t yet shed my winter weight.” They say, “This dress is microscopic, but my thighs aren’t.” They say, “I feel fat, but I want to wear this little sparkly number dammit.” And if Lucy Liu–of all teensy people– thinks that she has to wear black-tights-in-summer to pull off that dress because she’s still carrying around her winter weight, when she’s taking a picture next to a fat bear and, well, another fat bear, then we’re going to have to start sending her many more concerned letters.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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