We’d kinda assumed that six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi’s dismal loss to Corey Chestnut in last year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was a fluke.
In our collective imaginasian, Kobayashi walked away from that humiliating loss with a Batman-like commitment: to do everything he could, even if it meant killing himself trying, to make his next contest a victorious one. Not one to settle for #2 twice, he surely ran-not-walked directly home and checked himself into an intense 364-day training camp: 25-dog Tuesdays (for speed training), 75-dog Wednesdays (for endurance), soy-dog Wednesdays (for variety), three hours of morning stomach stretches, 32,000 calories-worth of daily cardio, evening shove-and-swallow drills, and a nightly regimen of anti-cholesterol pills. He didn’t talk to friends or family in all of that time. He barely saw daylight and spent his free time in a dark retreat, decorated only with abstract art depictions of hot dogs, buns, and condiments.
The newly-improved Kobayashi that would step on the stage on July 4, 2008–a year later, a world wiser–would be a changed man, a superman possibly, one whose stomach was more flexible than a Romanian gymnast and jaw looser than a sorority girl in San Diego.
KOBAYASHI WOULD NOT LOSE AGAIN. KOBAYASHI WOULD PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT HE WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS SHALL BE A WEINER WINNER.
But, every once in a rare while, we’re not right about these things–Kobayashi lost the battle for the second year in a row (to his credit, he did so in a five-dog OT). He did not, as we had hoped, “crush Joey’s chestnuts”… but he tried his hardest. He tried his fucking hardest and we truly, truly believe that.
Unfortunately, we’re Asian, and don’t give two shits about “trying.” We’re totally ashamed of him and think he’s a LOSER!
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.