Doggammit!

July 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


We’d kinda assumed that six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi’s dismal loss to Corey Chestnut in last year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was a fluke.

In our collective imaginasian, Kobayashi walked away from that humiliating loss with a Batman-like commitment: to do everything he could, even if it meant killing himself trying, to make his next contest a victorious one. Not one to settle for #2 twice, he surely ran-not-walked directly home and checked himself into an intense 364-day training camp: 25-dog Tuesdays (for speed training), 75-dog Wednesdays (for endurance), soy-dog Wednesdays (for variety), three hours of morning stomach stretches, 32,000 calories-worth of daily cardio, evening shove-and-swallow drills, and a nightly regimen of anti-cholesterol pills. He didn’t talk to friends or family in all of that time. He barely saw daylight and spent his free time in a dark retreat, decorated only with abstract art depictions of hot dogs, buns, and condiments.

The newly-improved Kobayashi that would step on the stage on July 4, 2008–a year later, a world wiser–would be a changed man, a superman possibly, one whose stomach was more flexible than a Romanian gymnast and jaw looser than a sorority girl in San Diego.

KOBAYASHI WOULD NOT LOSE AGAIN. KOBAYASHI WOULD PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT HE WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS SHALL BE A WEINER WINNER.

But, every once in a rare while, we’re not right about these things–Kobayashi lost the battle for the second year in a row (to his credit, he did so in a five-dog OT). He did not, as we had hoped, “crush Joey’s chestnuts”… but he tried his hardest. He tried his fucking hardest and we truly, truly believe that.

Unfortunately, we’re Asian, and don’t give two shits about “trying.” We’re totally ashamed of him and think he’s a LOSER!

Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!