The reigning Miss Washington, Elyse Umemoto, has been getting a lot of flack over a couple of racy candid photos that leaked on the Internets this week. TMZ called her “a bad apple,” the Miss Washington Scholarship Organization said they were “embarassed by the pictures,” and the pageant queen (whose term ends this Saturday) issued a public apology today.
Quite the brouhaha. Them’s must be some dangerous pictures! So what’s all the fuss about, really?
We took a look at the snapshots and have delivered an assessment on Umemoto’s real crimes below.
Umemoto and friend flipping off camera
CRIMES: Ungraceful bend of index finger, wearing stupid pageant crown in public.
Umemoto and friend suggestively licking a bottle of Malibu rum
CRIMES: Drinking pussy-ass Malibu rum like a bunch of fucking novices. Get a bottle of Macallan 12, for the love of GOD!
Umemoto and friend making obscene finger gestures
CRIMES: Purple eyeshadow and lurex top, fraternizing with actual frat boys. Also: if you’re gonna front that you like cooch-licking, don’t waste time with the peace sign. Use a cooch.
Shirtless Umemoto with friend, in the mirror
CRIMES: Vanity, ugly bra, ugly friend.
Umemoto suggestively close to friend
CRIME: Frightening proximity to blue eyeshadow.
Umemoto with friend and curling iron
CRIMES: wielding a deadly weapon, unauthorized use of the stupid pageant crown, harboring scary friends, crazy face.
Ooof. Now that we’ve assessed the extent of the damages, we actually do think she might owe us all another apology.
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Filed under: An Apple A Day Clearly Does Nothing, Boring People, Cooch-Licking, Crazy Faces, Elyse Umemoto, Miss Washington, Pageants Are a Joke, Shaming the Crown, The Finger, Who Cares?
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