Baby’s Here to Stasian

July 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Jamie-Lynn Spears and her newborn, Baby Maddie,
on the cover of ‘OK! Magazine’

JAMIE-LYNN: Smile, Lil’ Baby Maddie. We’re gon’ be right on the cover of OK! Magazine, a real life magazine! Just like Angelina Jo-lie and her lil’ babies!

BABY MADDIE: I can’t smile on demand, Mom. I can’t make my body work yet. I don’t even realize that I exist.

JAMIE-LYNN: Ma doctor said I had a cyst once, on my foot. Mama said it was a sign that I wasn’t chosed to be a celebrity. Man I hate her. No I don’t. What’d I just say?

BABY MADDIE: I can’t remember what you just said. I don’t yet have the ability to record word symbols and repeat them back.

JAMIE-LYNN: Yer dumb, arentchoo lil baby? Tha’s okay!

BABY MADDIE: I’m not DUMB. I’m a BABY. YOU’RE dumb.

JAMIE-LYNN: Shut up, you dumb baby!

BABY MADDIE: I have all the potential in the world. You’re a teenage has-been mom with cracked-out relatives.

JAMIE-LYNN: It’s not “relatives,” it’s “relations.”

BABY MADDIE: I can’t believe that you’re my relations.

JAMIE-LYNN: Respect your relations, baby!

BABY MADDIE: Why? So I can become my mom’s cash cow, like you? You’re already pimping out a picture of me before I can open my eyes! You’re just like Mama Spears!

JAMIE-LYNN: No I’m not!

BABY MADDIE: Oh yes you are.

JAMIE-LYNN: I just want her to be proud of me. I just want her to treat me like her daughter. I want her to stop comparing my achievements to ma sister’s. Why won’t she be proud of me? I fucked up and had a baby too! I FUCKED UP AND HAD A BABY TOO! (sobs uncontrollably)

BABY MADDIE: Wow. I hope I never open up my eyes. Please take the picture.


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