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Barack Obama Loves Young White Women

The McCain camp released an official smear ad yesterday simply entitled, “Celeb,” which juxtaposes Senator Obama with clips of Britney Spears (circa 1999) and Paris Hilton, supposedly highlighting Obama’s lack of substance despite his undeniable star power.

Frankly, we find the ad to be pretty embarrassing. It’s simply not good–the video quality is terrible, the editing shoddy, the voice-over nearly comical, the celebutard footage ineffective. And hey, we’re proud of the GOP for trying to get jiggy with thems newfangled concepts of viral interwebs marketing and all, but uh, they’re probably gonna have to do better than that.

Still, the piece has gotten a lot of attention, and in the process drawn quite a bit of controversy. One take in particular caught our eye via Political Punch–liberal blogger Josh Marshall from Talking Points Memo condemned McCain’s attacks yesterday but focused on one specific extrapolation we hadn’t even thought of:

“…the McCain campaign is now pushing the caricature of Obama as a uppity young black man whose presumptuousness is displayed not only in taking on airs above his station but also in a taste for young white women.”

Um… I’m not proud of McCain’s decision to resort to attack ads, but I have to say that in watching “Celeb” about 25 times over, I witnessed Obama being criticized for being all bark and no bite, being lauded for non-achievements, being celebrated for simply being a celebrity. But the thought never once struck me that Obama was being defamed with the insinuation that he likes to dabble in “young white women.”

What made us even go there? Obama, by all accounts, is a happily married man with a beautiful wife. And the footage in “Celeb” simply references the two most useless (yet most famous) stars of this decade. So I wonder how the point of lust was even dragged into the dialogue. Does a picture of a white woman and a black man instantly connote sexuality? Do we assume that even if black man isn’t leering over taut blondes, he must be denying the fact that he wants to? Do we always refer to people this way, by color?

My god, is this really 2008? I feel like I’m in a fucking time warp.

I also feel like I just spoke to someone at a dinner party that said, “I just love Black people. They’re such wonderful musicians and athletes.”

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This Could Cut Into Sharon Stone’s "Free Tibet" Donasians


Page Six reported yesterday that NY attorney Ming Hai recently served Sharon Stone with legal papers documenting her intent to sue the actress on behalf of over 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims, for harm by suggesting that the disaster was “karma.”

The price of the damages? A billion.

Damn, Gina. That’s a pretty penny, and perhaps slightly more than she’s made in residuals from Basic Instinct over the last 16 years. We suggest that she pivot her “do-good” fundraising energy and start selling LOTS of auctionable meet ‘n greets with direct proceeds to a “Save My Wretched, Botched, and Lost Face Foundation.” Stat.

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"Leave Barack Alone"

Remember Chris “Leave Britney Alone” Crocker? He had his 15 minutes of fame and faded from view (or signed a crap development deal, same diff), but he’s back for a little more (sort of) in this video mashup from Slate and our friends at Remix America:

Kaltura

Thanks, Erika!

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!


Happy 44th birthday to California State Controller John Chiang! You’ve got a–er–funny money situation to deal with in our fine state, so we wish you ze best of luck!

If you’re still trying to figure out what a State Controller does, check out Chiang’s guv’ment website here.

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You Want Space? Well, Space Costs. And Right Here Is Where You Start Paying.

Dear Dad,

Great news!! Our lifelong dream of me going to space is quickly becoming a reality. This week, Richard Branson unveiled the White Knight Two, the launch vehicle for my sweet space ride. Isn’t it beautiful? Oh, right. You don’t really care how it looks (so long as it’s inexpensive, efficient, and built to last a lifetime). Well, trust me, Dad, it’s gorgeous!

Even though my launch isn’t for another 18 months, I’m already shopping for space suits. I don’t actually need one for my maiden intergalactic voyage, but I’ve always wanted one (I know, I know–so wasteful). But don’t worry–I’m looking on eBay and Craigslist because you and Mom always taught me that paying full-price is for white people!

So, uh, there’s just one little hitch. Can I, like, borrow $200,000? I know it’s a lot of money, but let me put it to you this way. $200,000 = Bragging Rights for a Lifetime Among Your Chinese Friends. By that measure, it’s kind of a bargain, don’t you think? And I know you guys love bargains!

keep the dream alive,
Jen

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Racial Musical Chairs


Barack Obama might be the first Asian-American president. Michelle Malkin responds by claiming she’s black. Robert Downey, Jr. is a white actor playing a white actor playing a black character in the soon-to-be-released comedy Tropic Thunder. He’s either in blackface, post-blackface, or wearing some kind of meta-blackface. Vanessa Hudgens–who is Chinese, Filipina, Latina, Irish, and Native American–tells Teen Vogue that she loves that her High School Musical character Gabriella is “Hispanic” because “it’s nice to be able to stand up for people who don’t have someone to look up to very often.” To paraphrase our Pinaysian Intern Jasmine, guess her Chinese, Filipina, and Native American fans are SOL when it comes to role models. Wait, Vanessa Hudgens is a role model??

In other news, I just looked in the mirror, and I’M STILL ASIAN. Phew.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Olympic Winners and Liu-sers

I can just see the editorial meeting at Harper’s Bazaar:

Editor-in-Chief Jamie Huckbody tells one of the underlings that this summer is “all about the Olympics.” The staffers buzz with creative worry and focus.

“The Olympics are so hot right now.”

“But the Games are so controversial. It’s that whole China thing.”

“They’re in Beijing right now? What’s Beijing couture? Is everything silk? Silk, silk, silk!”

“No seriously. Steven Spielberg isn’t even going.”

We need something that’s like China-America fusion. China-American unity! Like PF Changs!”

“I love that. I love that!”

“I’VE GOT IT.”

And so we have…


Hunh. I always knew “fusion” was a bad word. Take that, Miles Davis.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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The Not-So-Suite Life


Brenda Song, the 20-year old star of Disney’s The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, is currently trying to sue an L.A. woman for $100k in damages, for allegedly using her head shot in an escort service classified ad (see above).

The accused, Vanessa Sena, apparently pulled Song’s photo from the web and ran the ad with a fake name, “Layla,” along with the tagline: “Hawaiin [sic] beauty. Come get lei’d.”

I have just one thing to say to Sena. Brenda is not HAWAIIN! SHE IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT HAWAIIN! She is Chinese/Thai, as a matter of fact–not HAWAIIN. Do we all look alike to you???

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Black Kids in Los Angeles

Last night, we caught the Black Kids show at the El Rey. There were a surprising number of geezers in the audience (we count ourselves among them). Which is funny, because what we love about Black Kids is how young they are–young, fun, and unjaded. They were stoked to be playing a packed house in L.A. They don’t even have their stage banter down yet, unless you count Reggie Youngblood using “fuckin’” and “motherfuckers” a lot. Sometimes Reggie sang off-key. Their set was short, because as Reggie put it, they’ve only got “like, seven songs.” But they’re still fuckin’ entertaining, and when they pulled out the Clash’s “The Magnificent Seven” for their encore, we fell in love with them all over again.

Ali Youngblood of Black Kids


A lot has been made of Reggie, because he’s the lead singer, he’s got that badass Filipifro, and he rocks the skinny jeans. Not enough has been said about his sis Ali, however, who is a stone cold fox. She’s 180 degrees from the pale, wan, depressed-looking, twiggy drip that you always see plaguing the indie rock scene. She’s stacked and she doesn’t hide it. She let her hair down and shook it loose in the middle of the set. When she smiles, she looks like a Blasian Betty Boop. And she smiles a lot. So, yeah, we would totally do her.

Download the Black Kids’ first full-length album Partie Traumatic on iTunes. Then go see them in concert and tell us what you think. In the meantime, enjoy this dramatic reading of the lyrics to “Partie Traumatic”:

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Bitch, Please.

In the current issue of Vogue, Zhang Ziyi says that she doesn’t understand why people have been protesting the Olympics.

“I don’t see why people are so negative. The games are about friendship,” she says. “I’m Chinese and I’m proud of my country.”

Listen, lady. I’m Chinese and I’m muthafuckin proud of my mother ship, too. A lot of people like me are. But just because I’m juiced for the Olympics and ready to lock myself in my house for the next month doesn’t mean I don’t understand why people are “negative.” Yeah, it hurts me when people conflate the Chinese government with the people, and I’d like to think that if your average American lived one day in your average Chinese’s shoes, fighting their way onto a public bus, shitting in a dirty public squat toilet, watching every word they say, they would get why the Olympics matter so much to China. But that doesn’t change the fact that the Chinese government does a lot of shady shit. The Olympic Games are putting China on center stage and, for better AND for worse, China’s detractors. Don’t act like you don’t know the score, Zhang Ziyi. That’s plain stupid. And stupid, girl, ain’t very Chinese.

[via HuffPo]

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I Don’t ♡ Heart Robot

The Heart Robot was unveiled this week in England, and its arrival marks a new age in artificial intelligence, where robots can be “emotional machines.”

On their website, Heart Robot’s creators describe how it responds to humans:

The rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat speeds up and he becomes more tense as he gets more ‘worried’. He slows down and relaxes as he becomes ‘happier’. His emotional state changes according to how you interact with him.

In other words, this robot, with its sack-of-rice body and Gizmo-ears, wants to be hugged, cuddled, and loved.

Sounds way too needy if you ask me.

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Earthquasian

Bai Ling’s earthshattering dancing


In case you live under a rock–we had an earthquake in Southern California this morning that registered 5.4 on the Richter scale. It sent Diana scrambling under her desk at work and me running out to the front yard with my two dogs. It was there that I took stock of what I was wearing–a baggy t-shirt, boxers, and Birkenstocks–and reminded myself that I need to start making more of an effort working from home because one of these days The Big One will happen and I’ll literally be caught with my pants down. While most people I know were freaked by the whole thing, Bai Ling (via her blog) had a slightly different take:

…the earth heard me and is helping me to show the Russian lady and the Russian man that I can make the floor dance, so wired when I stepped on the floor and waved with the earth like a tangle almost waved to the window, maybe it is my dance made the earth happy or mad? The Earth started to shake his ass to show me he is better? And maybe was a way of giving me a worning or celebrate with me as we all are just had a teqeila and drunk? I know there is this little wild spirit in side earth she is just like me wear a short mini skirt and like to surprise people and light a fire.

“(M)aybe it is my dance made the earth happy or mad”???

Well, we’ve seen Bai Ling dance…so, maybe. Just maybe.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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