Jab-bering On

June 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been out of the country for several weeks, but I only learned this morning that a fist bump can be construed, according to FOX News, as a “terrorist fist jab.”

All I have to say to that is…PHEWWWWW! And FINALLY. Here I thought I was alone in my suspicions that the fist bump was an evil, insidious, extremist gesture. I myself have been curating evidence to support that thesis for quite some time and, based on that evidence, have long concluded that there are many of THEM among US. And most of them are as American as apple pie. Here is a tiny sampling of the terrorists living in our midst:

The New York YankeesBronx Bombers, Red Sox nemeses, pinstripe-wearers, ball-scratchers, and Islamic separatists all.

Miley CyrusTeen actor, singer, apologetic nudist, and jihadi–with Randy JacksonAmerican Idol judge, Journey bassist, former fatso, and Taliban member.

Larry KingTalk show host, suspenders-addict, Old Jew, mujahideen–plots against the infidels with John C. Reilly and Will FarrellComedians, curly-haired men, and fatwa issuers.

Dick CheneyVice President, hunter of humans, professional jagoff, and Hezbollah assassin.

This cute puppyMan’s Best Friend, furniture chewer, hydrant pisser, furball, Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade suicide bomber, aka your worst fucking nightmare.

See what I mean? They’re EVERYWHERE. Thank you, FOX News, for unearthing the truth as always. America is no doubt a safer place because of you!

(To tell FOX News that this is some serious bullshit, click here.)

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