We Love You, Bill Gates

May 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Overheard at DISGRASIAN HQ earlier today:

DIANA and JEN blog their little hearts out on their Mac computers.

DIANA: Aaargghhh! I hate the latest version of Microsoft Word. It’s formatting all crazy again. Damn you, Bill Gates. An hour’s worth of work, down the shitter.

JEN: I think Bill Gates is misunderstood.

DIANA: (snorts) Yeah right.

JEN: No, I’m serious. Did you know he gave three million to Myanmar?

DIANA: That’s the least he could do, since he’s worth a gajillion dollars.

JEN: 58 billion, actually. But he’s no longer the world’s richest man even.

DIANA: Who is?

JEN: Warren Buffett.

DIANA: Aww! I love Warren Buffett! He’s so cuddly. I just want to squish him.

JEN: That’s what I’m saying about Bill Gates. I think he’s totally misunderstood. I think he’s probably a very nice man–

DIANA: OMG. Are you high? Bill Gates is a monopolist, a corporate raider, and, above all else, a greedy NERRRRRRD. I bet he eats his own boogers.

JEN: But he’s trying to solve the HIV/AIDS crisis in Africa.

DIANA: With that kind of money, he shoulda solved it already.

JEN: And he’s friends with Bono.

DIANA: I hate U2.

JEN: And he’s stepping down as Microsoft chairman in July to focus on charity.

DIANA: Dude. Seriously. What’s gotten into you?!

JEN: Nothing. What are you talking about? I’m great. I’ve just decided that…I love Bill Gates.

DIANA: I’m going to throw up.

JEN: (sighs) Okay, fine. I’m kissing Bill Gates’s ass. For a really good reason. Did you see what he gave South Korean president Lee Myung-bak earlier this month? Check it out:

JEN: Yeah, that’s right. A black Xbox with mother-of-pearl inlay. Only 100 of them were made.

DIANA: (awestruck) Shit. I just splooged my pants.

JEN: That’s what I’m saying.

DIANA: I love Bill Gates. I HAVE TO be his new BFF.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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