Kylie Mi-NO NO NO NO NO…

May 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Promotional photo for Kylie Minogue’s upcoming tour, to promote the new album X:

Conversasian between Ms. Kylie and her publicist:

KYLIE: Sigh.

PUBLICIST: So that didn’t work, did it?

KYLIE: You mean my foray into the American market? No fucking way. I got so burned. What a pisser.

PUBLICIST: I really don’t understand it. People love hot legs. And you have such smokin’ gams.

KYLIE: I know, right? They’re almost as good as my ass. You’d think legs and an ass would be enough to sell more than 6,000 bloody albums in America. It worked for Jessica Simpson, and that bitch can’t even dance.

PUBLICIST: Or sing!

KYLIE: Or spell “sell.”

PUBLICIST: It can be a tough word.

KYLIE: Sigh…

PUBLICIST: Listen, let’s just focus on the album, and the tour. So I’m thinking… it’s called X. What can we do with that, conceptually, for the promo photo? Maybe we could do something in the vein of X-Men. You could wear an intense bodysuit and white wig and cape, and look like Storm! She’s hot!

KYLIE: Hmm. I’m not really sure I like that.

PUBLICIST: Or maybe you we could put you on one of those rotating wheels, spread out like an “X” while wearing a knife throwing assistant’s uniform! and there will be knives all around you and even one that you’re holding in your teeth. Amazing! That would be like visual sex.

KYLIE: It just doesn’t feel right to me. It just didn’t fit.

PUBLICIST: (annoyed) Okay, Ms. Kylie. Do you have any better ideas?

KYLIE: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

PUBLICIST: (chuckles) That’s what I thought!

KYLIE: I’ve got it!

PUBLICIST: You do?

KYLIE: GEISHA… meets Dynasty!

PUBLICIST: Uh… wha?

KYLIE: I want to wear more white makeup.

PUBLICIST: You did that in 1997, though, and uh…

KYLIE: Nobody will remember.

PUBLICIST: Um, yes they will. And I don’t think–

KYLIE: People will love it. Geishas are so fascinating! Everybody loves a Brit in geisha makeup! Call up the artist that does those Hoojacuckoo Gals with Gwennie.

PUBLICIST: Ms. Kylie, I don’t think geishas really have anything to do with X

KYLIE: Yes they do.

PUBLICIST: How?

KYLIE: They just do. Stop asking questions. Let’s get this show on the road. I’m so frantic that I’m tired.

PUBLICIST: You’re tired? Hunh. That’s funny, so are geishas.

Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!