at the Cannes Film Festival Premiere of ‘Kung Fu Panda’
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m bored.
ANGELINA JOLIE: I’m pregnant.
LUCY LIU: I’m one-note.
JACK BLACK: I’m WACKY!
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m kind of having an existential crisis right now.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Y’know, having children really helps with that.
LUCY LIU: [clears throat] Ahem, excuse me, Angie.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Hmm? What’s up?
LUCY LIU: You and Fat Belly 2 are blocking my birthing hips–I mean my dress.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Excuse me?
LUCY LIU: Nothing. Nothing. Only YOU get to me mom-lady. Fine. FINE. I’ll just stand over here and be nobody. Y’know what, just drop it okay? We’ll talk about it later.
ANGELINA JOLIE: No, drop what? What are you talking about?
JACK BLACK: I’m FUNNY!
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m old.
LUCY LIU: I wanna get out of here.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Umm, hi, irrelevant TV star? What are you trying to say?
LUCY LIU: Nothing. NOTHING! Urg. Fine… This is my problem with you. I thought we were both on the bitch train to fame.
ANGELINA JOLIE: What bitch train? What is that?
LUCY LIU: We were hot sexy bitches. That was going to make us huge. And then you became Mother Teresa, while I became a lesbian vampire. And now I do mostly television.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Is that somehow my fault?
LUCY LIU: I feel like it must be. You bailed! What ever happened to the sex siren? I thought being a sex siren was in!
JACK BLACK: I think sex is in. Way in. And out. And in. And out.
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m rich.
ANGELINA JOLIE: I’m sure it is, but I’ve got, like, fourteen kids now. Being a humanitarian is kinda more where things are going these days.
LUCY LIU: I have a dog.
JACK BLACK: I love dogs.
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m a dog.
ANGELINA JOLIE: See? You have a dog. That’s a start. Next you’ll be recycling. Then, you’ll be visiting villages in Rwanda.
LUCY LIU: Do I have to touch dirty people?
ANGELINA JOLIE: Yes.
LUCY LIU: [sighs]
ANGELINA JOLIE: It’s fun, though. And while you’re at it, you buy some pots, some scarves, some babies. And soon, you’ll be me!
LUCY LIU: You really think so?
JACK BLACK: I don’t think I”ll mind, as long as you have those tatas too.
DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m confused.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Me too.
LUCY LIU: Me too.
JACK BLACK: KUNG FU PANDA!!!
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