Hot(?) Chicks

May 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

It’s a bad week to be a chicken, especially in Seoul, where detection of the bird flu virus led to the slaughter of all poultry in the South Korean capital (about 15,000 birds in all).

Fortunately, the PETA chicks who protested the United Egg Producers in D.C. Wednesday are All USDA. In advance of the cage-in, the animal-rights group released a description of the event:

Wearing sexy yellow bikinis outside the legislative meeting of the United Egg Producers in Washington on Wednesday, six PETA beauties will crowd into three cramped cages to mimic conditions for laying hens on factory farms.

To our delight, one of our Washington readers sent us the transcript from the protest earlier today:


CHICK ON LEFT: Yeah, that’s right. Chubby vegans DO exist.

CHICK ON RIGHT: People say I’m a dead-ringer for Fairuza Balk.

CHICK ON LEFT: Who?

CHICK ON RIGHT: Or Tom Cruise in Interview with a Vampire.

CHICK ON LEFT: Well, people say my juicy booty’s identical to Beyonce’s. And, no, I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

CHICK ON RIGHT: I would’ve been huge in the 90′s.

CHICK ON LEFT: You wanna see huge? Let’s talk about these chichis.

CHICK ON RIGHT: I think I have early onset of osteoporosis.

CHICK ON LEFT: Sometimes, I eat Popeye’s chicken in secret, and then I want to cut myself. All because I have the face of a man.


CHICK ON LEFT: I don’t wear SPF. I think it’s all a scam. I like to be natural, except for the occasional visit to Solar Planet Tanning.

CHICK ON RIGHT: What I wouldn’t give for a cheeseburger right now.

CHICK ON LEFT: I mean, what’s all this about “sun damage”? I’m sorry, I don’t buy it.

CHICK ON RIGHT: Tanning is murder.

CHICK ON LEFT: You have low-blood sugar. You don’t know what you’re saying.

CHICK ON RIGHT: Your décolleté looks like crepe paper.

CHICK ON LEFT: Excuse me?

CHICK ON RIGHT: I can’t take this anymore.

Chick on Right turns her sign around to reveal a handwritten sign that reads, “WILL SUCK MEAT FOR MEAT.”

CHICK ON RIGHT: (weakly) Will suck meat for meat! Will suck meat for meat!

A crowd of people starts to gather.

CHICK ON LEFT: (to crowd) What the fuck are you all looking at? She’s just hungry! She’s not used to being in the sun! I mean, look at her! Nothing to see here, people! Move along!

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