SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: The Mostly-About-Tits Edition

April 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Hazel Mae in HD

With baseball season underway and me getting off my sleep meds, there’s nothing I look forward to more before bed than watching Sawx games. This year, I decided to spring for NESN (New England Sports Network), which broadcasts all the games, in HIGH-DEFINITION. It is, in a word, wickedawesome. It has also given me new appreciation for NESN SportsDesk anchor, Hazel Mae, and her gigantic talents. “Haze” is of Pinaysian Persuasian, but judging by her bio, which lists surf ‘n’ turf as her favorite food, Hootie and the Blowfish as her favorite band, and Jerry Maguire as her favorite sports movie, methinks she’s really a broheim from the, ah, neck up.

Lost in Translasian

Chicago Cubs fans are so stoked to have new ~~savior~~ slugger Kosuke “Fuck You, Do Me” Fukudome on the team that they welcomed him with signs written in Japanese on Opening Day. Only problem is they were supposed to read “It’s Gonna Happen,” a reference to ending the Cubbies’ 100 year, World Series drought, but instead they all said “It was lucky” or “It was accidental.” Oops.

Jessica of Troy

This week, Jose Canseco, while promoting his new book Vindicated, intimated that last year’s AL MVP, Yankee Alex Rodriguez, is a juicebag. Canseco also said that he believed A-Rod had an affair with his ex-wife, Jessica Canseco. I had never heard of Jessica, a Playboy Playmate, until recently. And all I really know about her still is that she was a Hooters girl, she might be a man, she might have compared titjobs with Roger Clemens’ wife Debbie at a party, which may be “evidence” in the Congressional investigation of the pitcher’s alleged steroid use, and she might have banged the douchiest current player in baseball, which may lead to an investigation of A-Rod’s alleged steroid use. Does that make Jessica the modern Helen of Troy? Are those tits the tits that launched a thousand ships, bringing mighty warriors to their knees?