SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Pacman and the Dallas Cowboys

April 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

There are two things in life that have given me great joy over the greatest period of time: the Dallas Cowboys and Pac-Man. I discovered them both when I was 7 and my family moved back to my birthplace, Texas. America was in the thick of the hostage crisis, “Bomb Iran” played on the radio all the time, but I was too young to understand any of it. That part of my childhood is marked only by school, tenuous friendships with mean girls, and countless afternoons spent either at the arcade next to the Tumbleweed Cafe where my mom worked as a bookkeeper for a Kenny Rogers-impersonator, pumping quarters into the Pac-Man machine (and later, Ms. Pac-Man), or on our blue Salvation Army couch, watching the Cowboys with my older brother on a tiny television with our “borrowed” cable. I had a white satin Dallas Cowboys cheerleader jacket then that I wore until it shredded. I’m pretty sure it was flammable, too. I also belonged to the Official Pac-Man Fan Club and wrote a report on the “Pac-Man History Heritage” from the perspective of “Grandma Pac,” in which I claimed that Pac-Man machines, and “not Cheryl Teigs (sic) or Johnny Carson,” were the most highly-paid public figures. Those two things represent the sweet spot in my early life, when time unspooled in front of me rather than behind, and the world seemed small and safe.

You’d think that I’d be thrilled, then, that my childhood loves are about to merge (“Titans agree to swap Pacman to Dallas”). But we’re talking Pacman Jones here and not the little yellow dude in my history report. He’s got a rap sheet more impressive than my untouched-for-six-years high score on Ms. Pac-Man (full disclosure: I own the machine and it sits in my office–an unfair advantage to be sure). And the last criminal incident that Pacman found himself embroiled in, a shooting at a Vegas strip club, got him a one-year suspension from the NFL and has not been fully resolved.

Do we need a cornerback/punt returner that badly? Is Jones a reformed man? We’ll see. But the guy’s running out of second chances. And, as I wrote in my report so long ago, “A pac-man can only be reincarnated 3 times.”

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!