S.O.S.! Very Emergency!

April 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

JEN!!
JEN!!

OMG!

We’ve got an emergency here!! Tila Tequila is in desperate need of our help. Without it she may fall victim to “deathitis by disgusting filtheosis and tackiness-itis.” It’s a rare disease, but WebMD says it’s chronic, painful, and highly contagious!

Let’s start with an immediate surgical removal of that synthetic, strangling, bacteria-filled WEAVE. Good lord! She’s overheating! Let’s get that thing off of her! Oh NO! It may have already EATEN HER BRAIN. But let’s deal with everything else!


A BRA! STAT! THIS WOMAN’S CHEST IS ABOUT TO CAVE IN!

OH GAWD! JEN! We might need to call Sonya Dakar. This is a mess. A complete mess. Can you page her? Is she on call?

Oh my god. There’s no time. Look at that skin. It already looks like a festering meat pie. She’s so brave–I can’t believe she actually left the house in this condition. We can’t afford to wait! THERE’S NO TIME! NO TIME! GET THIS GIRL SOME LA MER OIL ABSORBING TONIC AND A REFINING FACIAL, STAT!!!

I fear we may be too late.

We may. Just be. Too late.

Call me (or page me),
Diana

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