Mariah Crazian

April 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Chubs Mariah,

You’ve had a long, illustrious career that, for the most part, we don’t really understand. How does anyone as obsessed with glitter, honey, and butterflies actually make money besides Lisa Frank? How can you make psychotic multi-part appearances on Cribs or perform as pictured above and, as a result, outsell Elvis–while Britney Spears does most of the same shit and gets called a fat, crazy, pig while being forced into lockdown by her father?

You are nuts. We’re pretty used to it. But since we hum along to your Christmas tracks every December, we tend to let it slide.

But now, this E=mc² business, naming your album after a theory you probably can’t spell, is bologna, as we’ve stated. That doesn’t make us mad, it just makes us sad. You’re trying to claim our shit–brain stuff–and you don’t gots any, yo. We can get over that.

What we can’t get over, is you titling a song on that album “I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time”… NOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. What’s Track #8? “Suckee Fuckee U So Luckee!”

GO DUNK YOUR HEAD IN A TOILET, YOU GINORMOUS, STUPID, DEMENTED, SKANKY, LISA FRANKY POSEUR.

xoxo
Diana

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