Wi’ and Bai

March 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Poor Bai Ling. Homegirl can’t catch a break. I know, I know. I can’t believe that I just wrote “poor Bai” either. But ever since she was arrested for shoplifting, and her pathetic mugshot got plastered all over the internet, my feelings toward her have thawed somewhat, like the polar ice caps. Yesterday, our friends at Go Fug Yourself took a poll of who was more fug, Bai or Kelly Clarkson, and Bai won by a landslide. Which could quite possibly be the only thing Bai’s won her whole life.

And last week, after Winona Ryder reportedly got caught shoplifting again (drugstore makeup, no less), ABC News published a story asking “Why Do Stars Steal?”, comparing Winona to Bai. It seemed unfair, since Winona was busted for shoplifting before, after attempting to jack $5,000 worth of goods from Saks, armed with scissors and prescription pills, and Bai only tried to steal once, and that was for $16 worth of mags and batteries.

Other key differences between Wi’ and Bai:

1) Wi’ has big breastises. Bai…has no idea that she has breastises which explains why they are constantly falling out of her dresses.

2) Wi’ is from Petaluma. Bai…is from outerspace.

3) Wi’ dated Johnny Depp. Bai…was once a pirate for Halloween.

4) Wi’ knows what dick is. Bai…wait, what does it mean, “dick”?

5) Wi’ gets rewarded for shoplifting with a Marc Jacobs ad-campaign. Bai…gets dick. But, just to look on the bright side, at least she now knows what dick is.

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