Tälk! Tälk!

March 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

BJÖRK: (chirping) Tibet! Tibet!

(Uncomfortable pause.)

CHINA: You’re going to have to quit that.

BJÖRK: Quit what? Bing nanananannananananaa ork ork ulp! It’s a political protest.

CHINA: Saying “Tibet! Tibet!” at the end of a song is hardly a protest. Where’s your picket sign? Where is your backup research?

BJÖRK: Happppeeeeeeeeyyyy! Tiny country sad. I feel gindleoy ree ree ree ree brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr veery small!

CHINA: What?

BJÖRK: Kosovo!

CHINA: You did it again!


CHINA: Stop it. This is more complex than that.

BJÖRK: I like that sound. Plex. Plex plex plex. Hoooooooooooo com plex drrrrrrreeedle!

CHINA: You know, you broke Chinese law.

BJÖRK: I have no room eeeeen my brrrain for laws! Lai ay ay ay ay ay ay brrrrrrrrrr drrrrrrrrrrrr ay ay ay ay! Plunk.

CHINA: You’ve hurt Chinese people’s feelings.

(She thinks. Wondrous pause.)

BJÖRK: (Suddenly serious) I’ve hurt Chinese feelings? Don’t you think you’ve hurt the feelings of the Tibetans for over half a century?

CHINA: (Taken aback) Well, I…

BJÖRK: Borscht! Borscht! Borscht! Shunga doo shunga doo da da shawee!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrererer.

CHINA: Never mind.


CHINA: Please don’t come back.

BJÖRK: Woo! Hoo! I’m an owl! HOOO! HOOO!

CHINA: Somebody please kill me. (Reconsiders) No, you.

Thanks, Intern Jasmine!

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