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Love Her or Hate Her, It’s Still an Obsession


The “her” in question being Miz Hello Kitty, of course.

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…Like Rice on Race

I must say, I let out a little squeal this morning when I saw this headline flicker in a chyron in the CNN ticker:

RICE ON RACE

“Holy crap!” I thought… are they featuring DISGRASIAN on The Situation Room? Is there a report on some form of long-grain that seems pre-determined to be the best? Is the Asian Student Union at Cal staging some kind of protest? All of these stories seemed plausible, wonderful, and intriguing.

But nah. It turns out they meant Condoleezza. Condoleeeeeeezza Rice on race. Got it.

Normally I try not to spend too much time hanging on to the words of this Rice, but I must say I’ve been dying to hear her speak on this particular topic, especially in light of all the “race race race” talk that’s been flooding media outlets of late.

See, I donno if you know this, but Jen and I are women of color and sometimes on this site we try to pipe up for otha ladies of color, and Condee’s a lady of color and we don’t often get to hear her do that very thing. Now here’s a lady that has a very big microphone (or at least the occasional podium) whose boss, according to Kanye, “doesn’t care about black people,” and… I’ve always just been curious about her real story, which includes race perspectives–they take a lifetime to build up (not just a day when “race” is the topic du jour).

The Chicago Tribune‘s ‘The Swamp’ reports:

While saying repeatedly she did not want to discuss the election campaign — “I don’t do politics,” Rice said — and also reiterating her lack of interest in the vice presidential slot, she said the United States had a hard time dealing with racial issues.

“There is a paradox for this country and a contradiction of this country and we still haven’t resolved it,” she said in a detailed reply to questions about Obama and race issues as a whole. “But what I would like understood as a black American is that black Americans loved and had faith in this country even when this country didn’t love and have faith in them, and that’s our legacy.

She also remarked that she found it “important that [Obama] gave [his speech on race in America in response to the Rev. Wright controversy] for a whole host of reasons,” as well as pointed out her own family’s complicated history in this country. Did George W. care about that?

I may not always like what comes from the mouth of this particular Rice, but what she said about race this week actually sounded pretty darn nice to me.

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lena Chen


Name: Lena Chen

Occupation: Harvard undergrad and blogger

Known for: Being the counterpoint in Sunday’s NYT Magazine story on college virgins who have made abstinence their cause and being, in her own words, “the Ivy League poster girl for sexual expression,” writing honestly about sex, depression, body image, double standards, and race on her blog, Sex and the Ivy, weathering being called a “slut” and a “whore” because of her frankness with a surprising amount of grace, especially for a college junior still trying to figure out who she is.

Brava, Lena!

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Alterasians

We’ve all had those awful moments of realization: We have our mother’s moon face. A third-world flat nose. Our dad’s beady-little almond eyes. Sausage knees. A flat ass. Non-existent cheekbones. Five feet of tiny height. Or whatever else is wrong with us, that can be magically assessed in a highly unforgiving full-length mirror.

All of which make it very difficult to look like Gisele Bündchen, or like the Sweet Valley twins that you read about through grade school, or your Barbie dolls, or that bitchy, skinny, matchy-matchy perfect 10 that your crush, Jeff, is going out with instead of you.

In those moments, it’s so easy to daydream about how easy it could be to get just a little something done. Maybe a little eyelid snip ‘n’ pull like your friend Jenny got on her “mother-daughter trip” to Korea. Or perhaps a bit of work on your nose to help out with that deviated septum.

I must say, I was a bit taken aback, though not surprised, by the tip I received numerous times this week, all of which pointed to: Asian-Americans are more down for plastic surgery than anyone else these days.

Hey, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, or marveled at the wonderful work I’ve seen on my newly round-eyed relatives. But it does bum me out.

When are we going to realize that we’re blazin’ hot the way we are? We don’t get old, we don’t get fat, and hey, from what I hear, white people seem to like us just the way we are. So maybe we should start liking ourselves.

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Hey "Rippers," We Will Wreck Your Fasian


Jen informed me today that a purse-snatching epidemic in San Jose aimed at Asian women, particularly Vietnamese, was reported in today’s local Mercury News (See the clip included in their piece above).

The Asian-targeted attacks certainly aren’t isolated–Angry Asian Man pointed out “The Beacon Hill Groper’s” lurid exploits just this week, and I cried last month when I heard about the death of an Orange County mom who suffered a stroke after being pepper-sprayed by a twenty-something girl that snatched her lunch, thinking it was a purse.

The thought of such a violent, violating act–like that in the video above–happening to anyone I know, specifically my loved ones–Jen, my sisters, my friends, my Mom–makes me absolutely ill. Although perhaps not for the reason you’d assume…

A note to “The Rippers”:

IF YOU SO MUCH AS THINK OF LAYING A SNATCHING, GROPING, PEPPER-SPRAYING FINGER ON ONE OF MY LADIES, YOU WILL SUFFER A FATE SO GRUESOME THAT THE DEVIL WON’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU. YOU WILL BE UNRECOGNIZABLE. YOU WILL BE INCONSOLABLE. YOU WILL BE WRECKED.

That’s just the truth, and that’s not my fault. They’s just some tough bitches.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! "21" and Sony Pictures

The movie 21 opens today in theaters, and a lot of you are already familiar with the controversy surrounding it. It’s based on the true story of a group of MIT students who learned to count cards and make off with millions in Vegas. [insert obligatory "baby"]. The team in real life was led by two Asian-American men, but in the movie, these characters are essentially played by Jim Sturgess (Across the Universe) and Kate Bosworth (Orlando Bloom’s ex-girlfriend). For two quality takes on these dubious casting decisions, check out Racialicious and Angry Asian Man.

The Boston Herald reported today on the hubbub, and Ben Mezrich, who wrote the nonfiction bestseller Bringing Down the House about the MIT students, was quoted as saying:

“Sony looked at hundreds and hundreds of actors – from all ethnicities – to play the lead character, and I am sure if they found a hot 21-year-old Asian actor, they would have hired him. But they didn’t. They found Jim.”

Now, we’re not really card players, nor are we particularly good with numbers (sorry, Dad), but this afternoon, we easily “found” 21 hot Asian (and mostly Asian-American) actors on the internetz:



Blaaaaaaaaackjack!

So either Sony’s casting people really really suck at their jobs or the studio really really doesn’t believe that Asians can open a movie. We’re betting it’s the latter.

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Congratulasians!

Congrats to JabbaWockeeZ for steppin’ up, stomping the yard, saving the last dance, breakin’ and all that jazz to win America’s Best Dance Crew!!!

Today, everyone wants to be a dopeass dancing fool who can dance in a creepy mime mask and make it look cool, not least of all this guy:

“Can I keep this? No? Really? Please?!?”


Click here to see all of JabbaWockeeZ’s performances.

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Someone Please Throw a Tofu Pie at That Thing

Zhang Zhiyi at the Salvatore Ferragamo 80th anniversary party in Shanghai


Ni hao, bitches! PETA can get all up in my grill for wearing this, but, I’m sorry, I’d rather wear my IKEA rug on the red carpet than be naked…brrrr!”

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All Hail Queen Raquela

Check out the trailer for The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela, a “docudrama” that screened at SXSW and follows the life of Filipina transsexual prostitute and dreamer, Raquela Rios:

The movie is directed by Icelandic filmmaker Olaf de Fleur, who says the fact-to-fiction ratio in Queen Raquela is 50/50. No news yet on a U.S. release date.

Click here for the official movie site.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Love Means Sometimes Having to Say You’re Sorry

A real man knows how to say he’s sorry, which is exactly what Dice-K did after a shaky, 5-inning homecoming on Opening Day in Tokyo. “I’d like to apologize to all the fans who turned out today and wanted to see me go deep into the game,” he said. Matsuzaka also apologized to Terry “Tito” Francona for arguing with him when the Red Sox manager took the Japanese pitcher out of the game.

Not that he needed to say he was sorry. Sure, he had a lackluster outing in front of a hometown crowd, but pitchers have lackluster outings. Making this gesture to the fans, however, is so rare and so special, and is yet another reason why I. LOVE. DICE. K.

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No Cause for Celebrasian

Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao, Bush’s longest-standing Cabinet member, had a birthday yesterday, and we’re pretty sure she bought herself a very expensive cake. Chao also received a present from the Shame on Elaine folks in the form of 25,000 signed letters protesting her record on workers’ rights. The head of the Department of Labor Security refused the letters at the door, saying that they “posed a security threat to the Department.”

Tsk, tsk, Secretary Chao. We’re appalled that you would refuse a gift, especially without opening it first. Aren’t you the least bit curious as to what 25,000 people got you? That’s just rude, girl. Perhaps there are earrings hidden among the papers–that happened to me one birthday, except they were nestled inside a teapot. And they were from Tiffany! And they were diamonds! And they were beauteeful! The point is, I would have had NO IDEA had I not opened my gift. So open your damn present–you just might find something worth keeping inside.


Click here to visit Shame on Elaine.

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Running Masian

Beloved first-term Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal tossed aside talk of being John McCain’s running mate this week, saying Tuesday, “I actually like the job I’ve got. This is where I want to be.”

We wonder if he then stepped away from the microphone to walk away muttering, “If I wanted to be your young, slender, caramel-skinned, neatly pressed, articulate, ‘ethnic’ pawn to counter the Obaminator, I would have said so. You assholes.”

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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